Page 239 of Wild Card

“We’re done?”

“Wills, we lost you five minutes ago.”

I drop my head in my hands, tugging my hair. “Sorry, I spaced out.”

“You lasted two hours.” Bex takes my hands in hers. “That’s progress.”

“I have to get my head back in the game.”

“You know this shit A-to-Z. These sessions are review.” Lucas closes his laptop.

“The test is coming up. I can’t afford to screw up now.”

“You have a lot going on,” Bex says softly.

“That’s just it, I have nothing going on except this test. Rowan has her business, Jewls and Harley have their boys, you both have lives… but me? I’m blah.”

“You’re not blah.”

“You called me a hodger and a spinster.”

“Because I wanted you to get out of your shell and live your life. And that was way before Talon.”

I don’t remind her it was actually after I met Talon; instead, I admit what’s been obvious the last few days. “I’m losing my mind.”

“That’s understandable.” The amount of sympathy in her tone grates on my nerves.

“You don’t get it. I’m actually losing my mind. The other day, when April, Mark, and the Whitmans finally left, Wolf and Mack were missing all their playmates. Rowan was at the salon and I decided to take them to the park. They were crazy watching me pack their things.

“When I pulled into the parking lot and turned to see their excitement—my backseat was empty. I forgot them at home. I had their leashes, bowls, toys… but not the damn dogs!”

“You’re distracted.”

My laugh is laced with sarcasm. “I’m pathetic. Oh, the irony… I thought the months after Joseph earned me pity. Now I’m a thousand times worse. For years, I relished my alone time. It was precious to me. Peace, quiet, not responsible for anything but myself and Wolf. I inwardly judged people who always had to have something going on. Now all I have is peace and quiet and I detest it! When everyone left, I felt relief. Then the house was empty, and I’d give anything to have them all back.”

“You have a huge support system now. It’s natural to feel this way.”

My eyes bug out at her simplistic reasoning. “That’s what you have to say?”

“Willow, babe, hate to kick you when you’re down, but Talon would be pissed to see you like this.”

My head whips to Lucas. “I know that! He’s the reason I even try. But when I wake up in a sweat, nightmares plaguing my thoughts, and reach for him—his side of the bed is cold! It’s cold,Lucas! He’s not there to warm it or to tuck me in when he leaves at zero-dark-thirty for work. The room is lifeless without him. Everything is empty. And it hurts.”

He’s clearly not deterred by my rant because he settles back, casually crossing his legs and arms. “Give it to me, Wills. Get it out.”

Irritation boils in my bloodstream, and I surge off the couch and beyond Bex’s reach. “I’m mad, Lucas! He didn’t give me that one last chance to tell him I love him. And if something happens to him, I will be nothing because I’ll never recover.”

“That’s a little dramatic, not to mention pessimistic.” Lucas has the gall to roll his eyes.

Roll his eyes!

The rage inside ratches up a notch. “How dare you patronize me, Lucas? You are supposed to be my best friend.”

“I am, that’s why you need to let this out, Wills. Stood by once before and watched you turn yourself inside out over an asshole who took away your spark.”

“Talon is nothing like Joseph!”

“No, but this isn’t about Talon. It’s about how you shut yourself down. Seems the only way we can get anywhere is to piss you off.”

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