Caleb wasn’t there, of course. He was out in one of the pastures with someone checking on the cattle. Apparently, feed occasionally had to be adjusted based on the seasons. The nutrients or amount of food might need to be adjusted when the cattle were let out in harsher weather conditions.
He’d been rather busy the last few days. Usually, when he came home for dinner, they were both exhausted. And lately, they’d opted to turn in early. It didn’t offer much time for talking—not that she knew what to say to him. Did she love him? A big part of her wanted to say yes. But there were so many unknowns—especially when it came to her father. Hadn’t her mother claimed she loved him and vice versa? If that was love, then what were the affections she had for Caleb?
She’d started the conversation a thousand times in her head. Each and every time she did, it sounded ridiculous. There was no way to spin it so she could tell him she’d heard him confess his feelings. There was no way she could use that conversation to help her admit that she thought she might feel the same.
Sammie groaned, reminding herself that she had work to do. The cold was biting into her. Winter felt like it was stretching on forever. It didn’t matter that there had been snow on the ground for nearly three months out here in Montana, she didn’t think she’d get used to it even if she lived here for decades.
Getting distracted while she was supposed to be working wasn’t going to get her inside and by the fire anytime soon.
Sammie reached into the bucket she carried and grabbed a fistful of feed for the chickens before she entered the coop. The birds flocked around her, feathers rustling. Their excited clucks brought a smile to her face. Even if Caleb pretended that he’d never said he loved her, even if she’d dreamed that it had happened, she could still find happiness here in Montana. Working with the animals had done a lot to soothe her troubled heart. Making friends with Katrina and Hallie had also helped.
Just the thought of her father had her happy heart faltering. It was that easy to recall the mean things he’d said to her, makingher feel less than worthy of love and affection—even from someone as wonderful as Caleb.
What if he realized that she wasn’t worth it?
Her heart constricted, and she did her best to shove the thought away. They’d practically been living together for nine months. How could he not know exactly who she was? If he was telling her he loved her when no one else was around, then it must be true, right?
Love.
She deserved to be loved in a way that made her happy. Caleb was too good for her, but if he wanted to choose her, then she was determined to let him.
That determination followed her through the rest of the morning and into the afternoon. The more she thought about him and the life they could have together, the happier she became. Her insecurities started to fade away, despite her knowing she might be getting her hopes up for nothing.
Sammie was in the pen with the goats, shoveling it clean, when she caught sight of Caleb. He paused by the entrance to the barn, and their eyes met. For the last couple of days, it wasn’t uncommon for him to look at her like that, and it always sent her heart racing.
A weak smile graced her lips, but she didn’t call out to him, didn’t go to him. There was a voice in her head telling her she was waiting too long. Caleb could be slipping away from her, and if she wanted to stop him, she needed to tell him how she felt. She couldn’t just wait around for him to come to his senses and tell her while she was conscious.
Sammie gave him a little wave, while in her head she told herself she was going to have a very important conversation with him tonight. She didn’t care if they were both exhausted from their work. If they wanted to take their shot, they might as well do it now.
His grin widened, and he winked at her.
She might have giggled like a love-sick teenager, but she wasn’t going to admit to it.
During her lunch break, she was just as distracted as ever. While she sat at the kitchen table in the main house with Katrina, she wondered what her new friend would think if she understood the real reason the two of them got married.
Sammie glanced at Katrina several times as she spoke to her husband. It was clear Simon adored her. It wasn’t clear how long they’d been married—even harder to guess at. Sammie would have thought they’d been together a long time based on the pregnancy. But the way Simon would touch her, smile at her, compliment her—it almost felt like they were newlyweds. They sure acted more like newlyweds than Sammie did with Caleb.
Simon got to his feet and kissed Katrina’s brow. “I’m heading out. See you at dinner.” They let their clasped hands linger before he slid his from her grasp.
Katrina glanced at Sammie and grinned. “Sorry about the PDA.”
Sammie shook her head. “It’s totally fine. You guys love each other. I get it.”
Her friend rested her cheek on her hand. Her eyes twinkled. “I still remember what it was like to be a newlywed like you and Caleb.” She sighed. “I miss it.”
Sammie snorted, and Katrina gave her a mildly bewildered look. Sammie blushed. “Sorry. It’s just that the two of you look like you’re still in that newlywed stage.”
A soft, knowing smile touched Katrina’s lips. “I guess you make a good point.” She studied Sammie then, making her fidget. “Is everything okay?”
Sammie stiffened, her fidgeting forgotten. “Of course, why do you ask?”
“You seem… distracted.” Her eyes widened, and she leaned forward. “You’re not pregnant, are you?”
There was no way for Sammie to keep the gasp contained. “Heavens, no.” She laughed at the surprise on Katrina’s face—probably due to her own reaction. “I don’t think we’re ready for that sort of life-changing event. We’re still…” She nibbled the inside of her cheek and looked away. “We’re still trying to figure out how the two of us work.” It was the closest she’d come to admitting that she wasn’t actually in a relationship with Caleb.
“It will come with time,” Katrina murmured.
“I suppose you’re right.” Sammie glanced at her friend out of the corner of her eye. They were alone now. It wouldn’t take much effort at all to confess what was really happening between herself and Caleb. Heaven knew she could use some guidance from someone who might understand Caleb in a different way. She opened her mouth, taking a deep breath as she did, but then the words died on her throat as a pair of hands came around her eyes.