Page 37 of Love Notes

I reached up and wiped a smudge of sawdust off his cheek.Or maybe there was nothing there at all and I just wanted to touch him.“Sounds great.I’ll see you later then.”

“See you.”

I tilted my head for a kiss, wishing that I could shake the last tendrils of this ridiculous sudden doubt.Clearly it was partly the result of spending too many hours dreaming up intricate fictional mysteries but mostly just my personality.I needed to work on that.The problem with humans being such good identifiers of patterns was that when the shit had hit the fan for you a couple of times before in your life, you kept waiting for the next time.Which was unfair on Ryan, but it was also unfair on me.Self-sabotage was ugly.

“I’ll get something for dinner then,” I said.

“Great.”He reached for his eye protectors, so I waggled my fingers at him in an incredibly awkward wave and left him to work.

A short while later, I headed off into Caldwell Crossing, keeping one eye on the road and one eye on the map screen of my little rental car.Ben had asked to meet at Lucy’s Bar.My stomach rumbled in anticipation of getting another one of those amazing blue cheese burgers, despite the weirdness of this whole meeting.

Unless I was overthinking this situation?Maybe Ben was looking for a friend and had picked the other new guy in the group.Just because “I’d really like to talk to you” sounded ominous to me, there was a possibility he hadn’t meant it that way at all.Anyway, there was no point worrying about it being something bad until I got there and found out, right?

Yeah, it was a shame that anxiety wasn’t rational like that.

I found a park on Periwinkle and walked from there to the pub.It was another gorgeous day.Warm, without being too hot, and there was hardly a cloud in the sky.Even in the middle of town the air smelled fresh and clean.I could definitely imagine moving here.

When I entered the bar, I looked around for Ben and saw him sitting at a table in the corner.He glanced up worriedly as I approached, and my stomach swooped because that didn’t bode well.Also, Sam was sitting with him.

“Hey, Adam,” Sam said, standing as I approached.“Glad you could make it.”

“No problem,” I said, taking a seat and casting a wary look at Ben.He managed a wan smile.

Sam nudged a laminated menu toward me.

The server came and took our orders, and we sat awkwardly for a moment until she returned with our sodas.Just when I was starting to wonder if I should have ordered a double shot of alcohol instead—it seemed like it might be that kind of a conversation—Sam said, earnestly, “It’s nothingbad.”

That didn’t fill me with confidence, funnily enough.

I jabbed a clump of ice with my straw and nodded.

Ben cleared his throat.“Uh, okay, this is really awkward.”

“Did you sleep with Ryan?”I blurted.

“What?”He blinked at me rapidly.“No!This has nothing to do with Ryan.”

“Oh.”Thank God.Except now I was even more confused than before.“What’s it about then?”

“Okay.”Ben let out a long breath and dragged his fingers through his hair.“A few months ago, I was in a very bad place, okay?”

I felt a twinge of sympathy, but I still had no idea where the hell he was going with this.“Okay.”

“I was, um, in this book club.We met at my local library in Boston, but we were also all online too.Anyway, I was under a lot of pressure at work.Like, legal pressure.Someone was stealing funds—not me, but I was basically being framed for it.It was a whole fucking mess.”

Sam reached out and squeezed his hand.

“Okay,” I repeated softly, still not sure what this had to do with me.

Ben held my gaze, pressing his mouth into a thin, unhappy line before he spoke again.“I wrote a review of your last book.It wasn’t positive, and it went viral, and a whole bunch of your fans doxxed me.”

“Shit.”My jaw dropped.“You’re BenDover123 from WordBook!”

“Yeah,” he said in a small voice.

“Holyshit.”I blinked at him.“Firstly, that is a terrible username.”I pinched the bridge of my nose.“God, that review.I can’t believe this.You know what sucked most about that review, Ben?”

“What?”he asked faintly.

---