Page 79 of The Playboy's Playbook

“It’s fine, Matthew.” I shift closer to him and instinctively, his arm rests around my shoulders and Nola moves to sit between us, making contact with both of us. Soon, she closes her eyes and finally goes to sleep.

“I guess all she needed was you to finally go to sleep,” I say softly, petting Nola behind her ears.

“No,” Matthew shakes his head before turning to look at me. “She just wanted you to sit down for a second with her.”

“I guess you know Nola better than I do.”

“No, I know her mom. And I know that you spend every free moment you have sitting with her, petting her, loving her. She’s content that way. She just acted out to get your attention.”

“When did you become a pet whisperer?” I ask, keeping my voice low.

He looks at my lips and I can tell that he wants to kiss me, but he doesn’t make a move. He’s showing a lot of restraint because I can see every emotion swimming through his eyes.

“I know I said how much the boys missed you and all, but Laila you have to know that…I missed you, too,” Matthew says, his voice soft and full of sadness.

I sigh and close my eyes. “Matthew…”

“No, just…let me say this. Please,” he begs. I nod for him to continue.

“I know I fucked up. I know that I’m an idiot. I thought I was protecting you from my past, but I was actually hurting you more. I’ll never forgive myself for the pain and stress I caused and brought into your life. But I want you to know that I am still truly, madly, and deeply in love with you. That’ll never change. Nothing that happens between us will ever make me not love you with my entire being, until my dying breath.”

He reaches over Nola’s head and grabs my hand. “Please, give me another chance. Giveusanother chance.”

I feel like I’ve been holding in tears all week since I first saw Matthew at the dog park. I shift and put Nola on Matthew’s lap, moving to stand to get some space because suddenly, the air from my lungs has disappeared.

“I just…I thought a year would be enough time and I have forgiven you, don’t think I haven’t. It’s just…how can we come back from that? You kept abigsecret from me, Matthew. You going to jail, even for a night, is something I should’ve known.”

Matthew follows suit, setting Nola down in her playpen instead of her kennel before walking over to me. Once he reaches me, he shifts on the balls of his feet, tucking his hands into his pocket nervously.

“Laila, if you can’t find it within your heart to love me, then I won’t stand in the way of you finding your true love. It’s your call. The ball is out of my hands and into yours now,” he says, tears pricking the back of his eyes. He steps closer to me, taking my hands in his, bringing his lips to place kisses on the backs of my hands.

“I love you, Laila. Always.”

He releases my hands and turns and walks away from me, making his way to the front door. I stand in the doorway as I watch him climb into his truck. He turns back to me and I catch traces of tears falling down his face.

I bring my arms closer to my body, hugging myself as tears fall from my eyes. I resist the urge to run to him, kissing the tears away, loving the pain away.

But I don’t.

I stand in place as he turns over the engine and backs out of the driveway. I’ve watched him drive away countless times, but this time feels different.

This time feels like the end.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

MATT

Driving away from Laila had to be the second hardest thing I’ve had to do in my twenty-six years on this planet. I’ve watched her cry too many times and every single tear shed was because of me.

Laila deserves better than me. She deserves someone who won’t keep secrets, who won’t make her cry. Giving her the choice means that whatever she decides is based on her heart. If she feels in her heart that being with me isn’t what she needs, then I won’t argue with her.

It stings thinking about her moving on with someone else, but she deserves happiness, even if it isn’t with me. Guilt and shame rip me apart every time I watch her beautiful face become stained with tears that I caused. As painful as it was for me to walk away from her, I wish that I hadn’t now that I’m alone in my room at Luke’s house.

A knock sounds on the door and Luke pokes his head in. “You okay?”

I shake my head and wipe a stray tear that’s fallen. “I think I just let her go tonight.”

Luke enters the room and cracks the door so he can listen out for the boys if they need him. He walks over to my desk chair and sits down, looking at me intently. “What happened, Matty?”

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