Page 101 of All I Have Left

“I’m going to kill you!” Grayson cries, letting out the most gut-wrenching cry I’ve ever heard, his body convulsing into wrenched sobs. “I’m going kill you…. I’mfucking—” He can’t finish. He can’t even catch his breath. His face is the picture of terror.

I’m not sure how much he can see from his place on theground. Suddenly, my view is of only Shane. My hands are pinned down by Lance and another guy, their knees crushing them against the metal.

“Watch me fuck her in your truck.” Shane smiles, glancing over his shoulder after he unzips his pants, his eyes on Grayson again. “I fucked her, over and over again that night you sang to her. I fucked her while she screamed for you.” He laughs, so manic, so possessed I don’t even recognize him, his hands on my thighs spreading my legs apart. “You couldn’t stop me then and you can’t now. You can’t save her.”

“The only reason you’re still alive right now is because they’re holding me!” Grayson yells, trying to break free. “You know goddamn well if it was just me against you, you’d bedead. Come over here and fight me like a man! Do it!” he shouts, trying to shake his arms loose. “Come hit me! I fucking dare you to, you piece of shit!”

Shane snorts, sinking to his knees between my legs. “Nah, I think I’ll fuck her instead and make you watch.”

“You son of a bitch!” Grayson roars through his sobs, “Youfucking son of a bitch!”

Licking his lips, Shane’s eyes fall to me. “It’ll be worth it.”

“Shane, please,” I beg, trying a different approach. “I’ll go back to you. I’ll leave him. Justpleaselet him go. Please!”

His eyes flicker with emotion, as if he wants to believe me, and if he had, he might have let us go, but I’m not convincing. “You’re a fucking liar. What would make you think I’d believe you?” He rips my legs apart further, grunting as he positions himself at my entrance.

“I fucking hate you!” I scream, spitting in his face.

Shane closes his eyes, and then smiles, grabbing me by the chin, drops of water dripping from his hair and onto my face. “Hate me all you want, sweetheart, but I’m still going to fuck you, and kill him. I’m gonna make you watch too.”

I’m numb to everything around me when he forces himselfinside me, his breath on mine. “Ah,” he growls, his face in my neck. “Looks like someone was wet and ready.”

I stare up at the dark sky, blinking slowly, the truck rocking with Shane’s movements.

“Goddamn, I missed this sweet, tight pussy,” he says against my neck, his breath hot and sticky, a stream of water running from my temples to my ears.

In the distance, thunder rumbles through the sky, the wind carrying the sounds of the guys holding Grayson back, shouting at him as he fights against them, provoking him further, knowing damn well he has to take it. He can’t get away from them.

“He’s fucking your girl, man.”

“She’s never gonna have that tight pussy you want!”

“You’re never gonna fuck her again!”

My mind is blank, my eyes on the chalky black clouds above me, wishing they’d open up and take me with them. I try to focus on something else. I paint their faces in my memory. All of them. Because if I make it through this, they’re going to pay.

The clouds above me become restless, rain hammering against the metal of the bed. I make eye contact with Lance, his knee on my hand. He’s watching Shane rape me, and sadly, I can tell he’s hard.Lance, I held your hand in kindergarten because you didn’t have a partner for our Christmas special. And now here you are, holding me down.

The ones holding Grayson? Baron Culter.Baron, I had calculus with your younger sister. She was raped senior year by a football player from Montgomery. And here you are, allowing this to happen.

Travis Miles.Travis, you used to be friends with Grayson. Now you’re holding his head up and forcing him to watch Shane rape me.

Colt Adams.Colt, while you’re straining to hold Grayson still, your mom and mine have lunch once a month. They’re friends. What would she do if she knew you were doing this?

And Kaiden Krammer. The one holding my other hand down.Kaiden, you’re seventeen. I babysat your little brother for three years. I know your entire family. Your life will be over before it begins.

My mind drifts back to Grayson and me on this very truck bed in high school and the memories we shared. I think of Friday night baseball games and sticky nights, cicadas and the sounds of summer sweet love.

Pain radiates between my legs again. I’m dragged down further to the edge of the tailgate, my vision of Grayson restored. I gaze at him, the pain spreading into a fiery gnawing grief.

Grayson’s shoulders are hunched forward, shaking, unable to watch anymore. Soaked in blood and water running freely down his face, he looks like he’s either going to pass out or vomit. But then he looks up, his brows drawn together, agonized guilt rimmed with tears. His view is of me, my legs spread, another man between them. He snaps his eyes away, to the ground.

Swallowing, I try to control my tears but I can’t. There is no use. No fight left.

My eyelids are heavy, like iron gates trying to close, to hide, to retreat. A tremble works through me, not from cold, from shock, a sweat breaking out over my skin. Blood floods to my temples, pounding away. I’m physically and emotionally shutting down. My body’s way of protecting my psyche.

I turn my head, my eyes on Grayson. He cries silently. His screams I can no longer hear. The violent shaking and struggling, it’s in slow motion now.

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