Page 112 of All I Have Left

He holds tighter, his arms around my shoulders, his lips pressed to my forehead. He smells like leather and cinnamon. “I’m so sorry you’ve been through all this.”

“It’s because of me though. I deserve all of this.”

Wyatt pulls back. “You don’t deserve any of it. Not a goddamn thing that’s happened is your fault.”

I try to listen to him, but in my current state, it’s hard to accept that. It’s like the world shifted and the darkness took over. I can’t possibly see the bright side in any of this.

When I look at his face, I see so much of Grayson in him.

The way he bites the inside of his lip when he’s thinking—a nervous twitch they both have. “Thank you for saving his life.”

“He saved mine.”

“Honey, you saved him in more ways than this one.”

I don’t quite understand his words. “What do you mean?”

“If it weren’t for you, he would have given up a long time ago.”

“I feel like it’s my fault he left in the first place.” Sighing, I motion around the hospital room. “And then he came back to this shitshow.”

Laughter shakes his chest and I think it’s the first laugh from anyone, aside from an hour ago when Frankie snorted powdered sugar off a donut by accident. Long story. “Honey, life is a shitshow for everyone. Grayson knows that.”

“Will you tell me something about him?”

He sighs. “Anything.”

“What happened to him over there?”

Sadness takes his smile. I don’t think he thought I was going to ask that. “Probably more than he will ever tell anyone.”

“It was bad, huh?”

He nods. “He was captured and held captive with another soldier back in March. He was found somehow by the Navy about a month later, and transported back to the States once he was stable. He’s been through a lot in the last year.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“When he went missing, I didn’t want to say anything because we didn’t know what happened. There wasn’t a lot of communication with his commanding officer and by the time we did get through to someone, we were told he’d been found, alive, but in a hospital in Balad.” He blows out a heavy breath. “I didn’t even tell the girls. Kelly found out, but we didn’t tell Frankie.”

“Because you didn’t want me to know?”

“You had enough going on, honey. But honestly, in my heart, I knew it wasn’t the end for him. I knew they’d find him. He’s a fighter, through and through. Stubborn as hell, you know that.”

I smile through my tears. “Do you remember that time he wanted you to buy him a dirt bike and you wouldn’t so he took the engine out of your lawnmower and wired it to his bike?”

“How can I forget.” Wyatt shakes his head, his hand running through his hair. “He drove it through the side of the house.”

Laughter leaves my lips for the first time, a pain in my chest and side at the movement. “Did he ever tell you what happened while he was over there?”

“No, he hasn’t. His commanding officer said it takes time for them to talk.” His hand falls to his lap, his other securely around my shoulder. “All he ever said was that the soldier he’d been captured with didn’t make it and I think it’s affected Grayson more than he wants to admit. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he won’t.”

Overwhelming guilt takes over and I rest my head on Wyatt’s chest, listening to the beat of his heart, the man who gaveGrayson life, holding me. “I can’t do this without him. I don’t want to.”

“I don’t want to either, Evie,” he soothes, his chin resting on the top of my head. “He’s going to make it. I know it in my heart that he’s going to pull through.”

While he holds me, I start to wonder if this pain inside me is ever going to end. Right now, it feels like it never will.

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