Page 119 of All I Have Left

Her eyes lift from mine to the door, and then back to mine. Evie walks through the door and choose then to yank the remote from Leigha’s hand and shove it under the blanket.

Leigha snorts. “Do you honestly think I won’t get that?”

“No, you probably will because you’re inappropriate.”

Evie smiles, stepping toward me with two coffees in her hand. They won’t let me drink caffeine. Something about pressure in my head and I don’t give a fuck. She hands Leigha the other coffee. “Is he being nice to you today?”

Leigha forces a smile. “He’s a peach today.”

Evie leans in, her warmth, her scent, it’s overwhelming. I grab a hold of her tank top and fist it in my hand. “She thinks I need to shower.”

Setting her coffee aside, Evie lets out a giggle, her hand on my scruffy jaw. “I can help.”

I don’t say anything because the idea that she wants to help me is overwhelming, exciting and terrifying. My breathing picks up as Leigha goes through everything to be careful of while soapy and wet. My inability to stand on my own for very long. My nausea when twisting my body, the dizziness, the sudden onset of excruciating pain my head. All things I go through every single day.

While I’m distracted by imagining Evie naked, Leigha takes the remote again. She holds it out of my reach. “You’ll get this back when you’re nice again.”

Evie laughs. “You might be waiting a while, Leigha.”

She smiles, twirling the remote in her hand. “Oh, he better be or I’m calling Lorain in here.”

Lorain is a nurse with Dolly Parton tits and finds way too much pleasure in helping me take sponge baths. Believe me when I say there’s nothing attractive about Lorain, unless you find Danny DaVito attractive because I’m pretty sure they’re related.

Evie and Leigha help me out of the bed and to the bathroom attached to my room. “No getting your head wet,” Leigha tells us, her hand on the door.

I almost laugh at the dual meaning. Twisting my head, I glare at her. “Go away.”

Inside the bathroom, Evie turns on the shower and hands me a towel Leigha gave her. “How much help do you want?”

Nervousness roots inside me. I’ve been here over a month and this is my first real shower. I have no clue how the water will feel on my overly sensitive skin. Touch isn’t even welcome most days. The weight of my gown irritates me other days. “I don’t know,” I mumble, slipping the gown off my shoulders and letting it fall to my feet. I’m naked in front of her for the first time since I ended up here.

Evie blinks rapidly, her eyes scanning me, her cheeks turning pink in the cutest way. I have no idea what I look like. Probably like shit. I haven’t once looked in the mirror, but I know I’ve lost weight and muscle.

Breathing in heavy, I lift my hand to the sink and lean into it for support.

Evie organizes the shampoo and soap, the room filling with steam. Reaching into the shower, she tests the water with her hand. “It’s warm.”

“I don’t think I need shampoo,” I tease. Not only do I only have a stubble on my head, I can’t get it wet.

“Oh, right.” Her eyes snap to the bottle. “I forgot.” She snatches the bottle and stands stick straight, as if she doesn’t know what to do next. “Ready?”

My lips quirk at her nervousness. Without words, I take a step into the shower. The tile is cool on my feet but the water is welcoming. It hits my back first and though I want to see how it feels on my face, I resist knowing I can’t get my incision wet yet.

Evie runs her hand over my shoulder when I don’t move for over a minute. “Are you okay?”

I nod, slightly, holding onto the wall in the shower, a wave of heat rolling through me. My heart beats like crazy. It’s not the water or being up moving around, it’s the one beside me, touching me, being there when I need her the most. Our eyes meet, my lips lift at the corners. “I’m a mess.”

“You’re my favorite mess.” Her eyes drop lower, her cheeks red when she notices my reaction to having her touching me. It’s not the first erection she’s enticed since being in this hospital,but it’s the first she’s seen. “Looks like someone else misses me too.”

I hate that she’s going through this, with me, but thankful none the less. Sighing, I lean my forehead into hers but I don’t kiss her. I’ve yet to actually kiss her since I’ve been in here. I don’t want that first kiss to be in a place where I have no control. Instead I touch my hand to her cheek. “You have no idea.”

“No fucking in there, kids,” Leigha yells, knocking on the door.

Evie backs away, her touch leaving my body as she smiles tenderly. “I’m sorry.”

She has no idea how sorry I am. For not listening to Shane’s warning, leaving us exposed, not saving her… so many things, but most of all, I’m sorry for not being able to hold her like I want.

“Follow my finger with your eyes.”

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