Page 132 of All I Have Left

I turn twenty-two, as does Ethan, and it’s uneventful.

I look into the nursing program Frankie is enrolled in. Something about the way those doctors cared for Grayson and our family has me intrigued. I get why they do it now because saving a life is worth it. I can’t think of anything more gratifying than that.

Frankie bursts my bubble of finally having a career path when she comes home from work one day, bawling, because a little boy drowned and they couldn’t save him.

I rethink my career in nursing and toss the application in the garbage.

I cut my hair to my shoulders, shortest I’ve ever had it and I have to say, it’s refreshing to have a change, even if it’s as simple as a new hairstyle.

With all that going on, before I know it, it’s a week before the wedding and we’re at the final dress fitting. In the other room, the guys are getting their tuxes altered.

“Was Ethan a big baby?” Frankie asks my mom, staring at her own baby bulge that basically popped out overnight.

Mom frowns at her reflection in the mirror. “When did I get so many wrinkles? And no, he wasn’t. Evie was the bigger baby.”

“Oh, thanks,” I mumble, fixing the strap on my lilac lace dress. I still haven’t gained back any of the weight I lost and it shows. My collarbones are protruding, my cheek bones evident, my stomach, completely flat, and you can see my hip and rib bones. I have no idea how Grayson still finds me attractive, but every single day, his hands are all over me.

I think it’s because he’s incredibly horny. It has been three months since we had sex and I’m going insane, so I know he has to be too.

I watch my mom still inspecting her wrinkles in the mirrorand making faces at herself. “You’re only thirty-eight, Mom. You don’t have wrinkles.”

She turns to me, pinching her forehead skin. “I do too.”

“When you pinch it, yeah, you do,” I note, laughing.

“Whatever you do, don’t get Botox,” Frankie tells her, rubbing her stomach as she sits down on the sofa next to the window. “It’s rat poisoning and my friend, Lucy, she has a permanent lazy eye from it.”

I sit down next to her. “Really?”

“Yep. We call her Lazy Lucy.” She twirls one of my curls near my ear with her finger. I smile as Grayson does the same thing to me. “I love your hair short. I wish I could pull it off. Short hair makes my nose look too long.”

I snort. “Does it offend Lucy that you call her Lazy Lucy?”

“Nope. She’s cool as hell. You’ll meet her. She’s going to be at the wedding.” And then she frowns. “But, just so we’re safe, don’t call her Lazy Lucy.”

“Gotcha.” Thinking about all the people at the wedding has me a bit anxious. Not only do I get hundreds of questioning stares anytime we’re in town, I can’t imagine the questions, or looks we’re going to get at the wedding.

Frankie sighs, her hand on her baby bump she can’t stop touching. “I hope Ethan doesn’t wear those stupid Converse shoes at the wedding. He keeps joking that he’s going to.”

I laugh. “Remember when he was five and he wore those red rain boots all through summer.”

“Yes. The only reason he took them off was because I puked up peach cobbler in one of them in the Anderson’s pasture.”

“Maybe puke on his Converse and then he won’t wear them.”

I can tell she contemplates it. “I hate throwing up.”

We laugh, but my thoughts immediately return to Grayson and how often he’s sick from his migraines.

While Julia and Mom talk about their dresses, and Botox, I catch a glimpse of Ethan, who laughs in the lobby. Okay, I notice Grayson leaning against a wall first, and he’s uninterested inanything around him, as usual. Thankfully, Frankie is out of her dress so Ethan won’t see her before the wedding. Besides, she’s too busy talking about where we’re eating tonight to be concerned with her Converse-wearing groom-to-be.

Grayson in a tux? Hottest image I’ve ever seen. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m that desperate for attention from him. Could be that.

I will say, the last three weeks while we’ve been planning Frankie and Ethan’s wedding have been a nice change to the daily drama of my boyfriend and his frequent mood swings. And it’s at least taken my mind off wanting to hump him every time I see him naked or when we wake up and he’s practically on top of me.

But seeing him dressed in all black does things to my insides and suddenly my ovaries are shaking. Ever since I found out Frankie was pregnant, I’ve been longing to feel what she does. The baby moving, being in love and planning a wedding. I want all that.

Sure, I have most of it, just no baby, no wedding. Okay… I’m in love, but that’s it. I’m not entirely sure what that love is going to turn into. It’s a daily ping-pong game with him.

---