Page 3 of All I Have Left

“Yeah, it’s me.” I sigh, feeling relieved to hear from my family. “I’m… coming home. I’m actually only about an hour away.”

I haven’t seen Frankie in two years. The last time I saw her she’d made a trip to Arizona to see our older sister, Kelly, who had been away at college, and stopped off in New Mexico to see me. No one else had come out to see me and I kept it that way. I love my parents dearly, but they didn’t want me enlisting in the first place, but I did. Frankie, she may not have understood why I left in the first place, but she didn’t try to get me to change my mind.

Her squeal shrieks through the phone, high-pitched and exaggerated. “I’m so excited! Jesus… wait, is this just a visit or are you home for good?” She’s speaking so fast I can barely follow with the questions.

“Where are you?”

A thought hits me. Fuck, what if she’s with Evie? She’s her best friend, assuming, they still talk. I don’t know the answer. I don’t know if she’s still around. The Evie I knew wanted out of Alabama and dreamed of the West Coast sunshine and ocean front. I wonder if she finally left. Actually, part of me hopes she has. I don’t want to see her because I doubt I’m her favorite person anymore. You can’t leave like I did, without warning, and expect someone to still want to see you.

“I’m on my way home,” Frankie tells me. “I had to go pick up a dress for tonight.” She laughs, as if I should have known she’s out shopping. “And then I had to go to a different store for Evie’s dress.”

My heart jumps in my chest. Literally. It’s the worst feeling. Like a damn heart attack about to happen. But I play it off. “Oh, well, don’t say anything to anyone.” Like Evie. “I want to surprise Mom and Dad,” I add, playing it off as if I wasn’t referring to her.

It’s not that I want to surprise my parents that I’m coming home so much as my mom thinks I’m dead. I should probably tell her in person that her baby boy is still alive.

“Mom and Dad are out of town for a couple days. Some garden show.”

“Okay, but don’t tell them. I want to surprise them.”

“This is the best news ever, Grayson. Seriously. Josh and Kelly are here too!”

I smile at the thought of seeing my family for the first time in a while. It’s been so long I’m actually getting a little nervous to see everyone again. And believe me, I’m not the type to get nervous.

“Oh, yeah? I thought they would be staying in Arizona for the summer.”

“Not this summer. So what… are you home for good? You still have three years left, don’t you?” Frankie takes in a deep breath and I know what’s coming next. “And where in the fuck have you been the last couple months, Grayson? I’ve tried calling a few times and you haven’t been answering,” she growls, sounding so much like our mother.

“I’m driving, Frankie. I’ll see you soon.” I cut her off, avoiding her questions.

I’m not ready to tell anyone what happened in Iraq or why I’m coming home.

I toss my phone on the top of my letter from the review board granting my honorable discharge.

Honorable?

I would hardly classify anything that happened in that fucking situation as honorable.

My mind wanders as I stare out at the barren scenery before me. So much has happened in the last three years that it’s hard to even reason coming home, but I have no choice. I need her. She’s the only one who can help me now. I have to try at least.

Part of me is terrified to see her again, and I have no idea if she’ll even speak to me. Hell, I can’t blame her if she refuses to. I left her with a fucking note, and since then, no letters, no phone calls. Not a goddamn word from me.

So many times I wanted to call her, hear her voice, but every time I dialed the number, I panicked and hung up on the first ring. If I’d heard her voice, I would have found a way to come home and beg for forgiveness I don’t deserve.

And now, after everything that’s happened these last couple months, I can’t stay away. Turning up the radio, I listen to the music, hoping it will provide a distraction to my thoughts. The afternoon sun blares through my windshield. Pulling down the visor, a picture falls into my lap. It’s one of Evie and me on the tailgate of this truck. She’s laughing, I’m smiling, and if you didn’t know it, you’d think we’d always be that way.

What you don’t see is the pain in my chest. That’s the day I enlisted, and she didn’t know the storm about to hit her.

Still, after all this time, she’s plastered into my mind. Like a mold. An idea of what love looks and feels like, and I can’t forget it. It clings to the broken pieces of me, a nudge toward healing. It feels wrong of me to even come back here and expect her to talk to me let alone forgive me. I have no idea what’s going on in her life. Does she have a boyfriend? Did she finish college? What if she’s married? What if she has kids?

And the worst part, I don’t know her anymore, and that hurts just as bad as leaving did.

3

EVIE

My friends are all assholes. I know, that’s a vague statement but it’s true. Here’s why. I, Evie Brooks, am not a drinker. Okay, I should rephrase that one. I shouldn’t be allowed to drink. It’s the truth. I can’t handle booze to save my life. Never have. It usually always ends in me doing something foolish or spending the night hovering over a toilet. Or that one time in a holding cell down at the sheriff’s office.

My weakness? Frankie and Ethan. They enjoy testing my boundaries. It’s like a game for them, and me acting as a complete fool is entertaining to them.

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