Page 44 of All I Have Left

Frankie stomps and then kicks my calf. “Goddamn it, Grayson. Knock this shit off.”

I set the controller down on the coffee table. Not only did she kick the leg I had surgery on less than a month ago to remove shrapnel from my calf, she’d interrupted me playing this game and damn it, I’m pissed about that. Why can’t I play Xbox for thirteen hours straight? There’s nothing wrong with it as far as I’m concerned.

“I’ll go change.”Ethan gets up and leaves the room.

“Pussy!” I yell out, only to be smacked upside the head by Frankie.

I grab her hand midair as she pulls it away and yank her forward until she falls onto the couch. “Stop hitting me.”

She catches herself on the cushions, her hands planted near my thigh. “You’re getting up and you’re going.”

My brows pull together in my best version of I-hate-you-right-now. “Why? So I can run into that motherfucker again? No thanks.”

Scrambling up, Frankie stands in front of me again, blocking my view of the television. “Honestly, Grayson, I doubt she’s even going to be there.”

“Oh yeah?” I stare up at her. “And what if she is? Then what?”

She plants her hands on her hips. “Then we try to get her alone and talk to her.”

I snort. “I tried that.”

“And because it’s Evie, our friend, we keep trying.”

“She’s not my fucking friend.” Anger rushes through me with a wave. It’s damn near uncontrollable. I look down at my hands and realize they’re shaking. Drawing in a breath, I let it out slowly. “I’m not going.”

I’m being an asshole, but can you blame me?

Don’t answer that.

“Yes, you are.” She gets in my face this time and forces me to look at her. “I’m not going to let you lock yourself away. You haven’t been out of this house in a week.”

“So what? That’s my fucking choice. Not yours.”

She inhales slowly but doesn’t respond. Her eyes are full of disappointment. As if she can’t believe I’m acting this way.

“You go for her.”

“She made it pretty fucking clear it’s not me she wants.”

“No, you said some pretty shitty things that she heard. I can’t blame her for being a little bit mad at you over that one.”

There’s certainly some truth to that statement, even if I don’t want to admit it. But it also doesn’t make up for the fact that she left with that piece of shit. My lips part and I suck in a rush of air, realizing I should go for her. Because if she’s there,then maybe I can see if she’s okay. Know that she’s at least safe. I lift my hand and run it through my hair.

There’s a long stretch of silence between us before she finally says, “You’re the strongest person I know, but you’re being a pussy right now.”

I almost laugh. If only she knew. Blood rushes to my head as I drag in another breath, trying to push the violent thoughts away. I don’t like it, but it’s my reality that they’re there, and present. Demanding to be heard, seen, recognized. My heart feels like it’s working its way into my throat, threatening to jump out of my body. At this point, I’d let it so I didn’t feel any of this pain from knowing my girl is in the arms of a monster and willingly staying there.

How could she? Why would she? That’s still something I can’t shake. I saw the sinister look in his eyes, the hatred. He’s destroying her because he can and she won’t let me help. It’s no different from everything I experienced for the last year. Wanting, no, needing to do something, and powerless to do so.

I can’t imagine being able to talk about what happened in Iraq, I’m sure of it. I can’t even allow my thoughts to return to that place without being paralyzed with fear and anger. Yet here I am, reliving it every day because the situation is the same to me.

I squeeze my eyes shut. Frankie sighs and sits next to me. “Grayson, she’s in trouble. I know that, you know it, Ethan knows. We are going to do something and if by chance she shows up, maybe we can.”

I’m not convinced.

“Go away.”

She kicks at my leg. “You’re a dick.”

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