Page 9 of All I Have Left

I think about what’s not visible. The scars, the emotional damage, the things I’ve seen in the Army. My heart starts racing and though I do not want to think about anything that happened over there, it happens when you least expect it.

I’m nudged from behind by someone and it catches me off guard. I twist around on my heel, my body tense and ready for everything. “Whoa, sorry ’bout that, sir.”

Sir?

The kid moves toward Ethan carrying what looks to be a tray of food. “You hungry?” he asks, reaching for his hamburger when the boy heads back toward the bar.

I hadn’t realized I was until now. He hands me a burger, and then a beer, and leans up against a speaker. “She know you’re back yet?”

I know exactly who he’s referring to. Her. Setting the burger down, I draw in a breath. Shrugging, I take another bite of food. “Not that I’m aware of.”

I think he notices the change in my demeanor, but he says nothing as he clears his throat.

For the next hour, I make myself useful helping Ethan tune the guitars and set up the sound equipment. It’s good to see all the guys again. I missed everyone so much, not as much as Evie, but I missed them.

Just before sunset, I have a chance to look toward the field behind the bar that’s scattered with people and filling up quickly. My anxiety soars, the weight of my actions sinking in.

The Point, it’s the only bar here in town, a local hangout for everyone—underage or not. Directly off the back of the bar is a stage that opens up to the building, and on the other side, a large open field.

We used to party here in high school before I left. With our mutual love for music, it was always one of Evie’s favorite placesto hang out on the weekends because of the concerts. We thought we were hot shit back then. Ethan and I started a band when we were in high school, playing nearly every Friday night here.

It’s then, watching him adjusting the mics when I realize I’d forgotten what this was like. The summer concerts, the smells of the fresh cut grass, the warm humid summer nights…. Did I mention the bugs? One thing I did not miss. Although it’s better than those fucking spiders in Iraq that looked like they could swallow a goddamn cat whole.

“Grayson?” After slapping a bird-sized mosquito off my arm, I turn to see who called my name and catch my already intoxicated sister as she lunges through the air at me, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck.

“Jesus, Frankie.” I place my hands on her hips and peel her off me. “How much have you had to drink since I left the house?” She reeks of tequila and limes. I begin to wonder if she took a bath in it or how in the hell she actually functioned enough to operate a manual transmission on the way here.

“Oh, uh.” Stumbling around trying to right her footing, she taps her index finger on her lips for a moment. “Hell, I don’t know.” She waves her hands around. “Can’t I just be happy that my little brother is finally home? Besides, I had to calm Evie down somehow.”

Panic and fear rush through me. “Did you tell her I was here?” My heart races, waiting for her to answer.

She smiles, shaking her head. “No, I was waiting until after the concert.”

Thank God.I’m not ready for that.

“C’mon.” Frankie rubs my arm. “Let’s get you a drink so you relax.”

Ha. Not likely.

Despite my protests to remain sober tonight, Frankie doesn’t take no for an answer. “You’re gonna need liquid courage just like she did.”

“I shouldn’t be drinking,” I tell her, ignoring the bartender she keeps flagging over to the side stage. I want to beg Frankie for details about Evie. Anything. Even if it’s just a glimpse into her life now, but I don’t. Fear probably is holding me back.

Frankie plants her hand on her hip. “Grayson, come on. What’ll it be?”

I order a whiskey and Coke so she’ll shut up. I hand the waiter a twenty-dollar bill when he returns with the drink, my glare on my sister. “I forgot how annoying you were.”

“I didn’t,” the waiter adds, winking at Frankie. I think I know him, but I can’t tell you his name. I’ve never been good at remembering names with faces.

Ethan comes up behind us, his arms wrapped around Frankie’s shoulders. Placing a kiss on her temple, he presses his body against hers.

“Yuck. You’re sweating like crazy.”

He wipes his forehead on her arm. “It’s fuckin’ hot out here.”

I think she’s trying to turn around and smack him, but she stumbles on the uneven ground.

He stares at her with a smirk, holding her up. “Babe, how much have you had to drink?”

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