Page 96 of All I Have Left

I run to catch up with her, but she’s halfway to the lake and into the trees. Sliding down the trunk of a tree, she holds her hands over her face. I stand back, unable to make myself react. I watch her cry into her palms, a sadness I’m not sure I can take away because the brutal fucking reality is, I’ve created this again. By leaving, by being fucked up.

“Evie?” I kneel next to her and am surprised when she launches herself at me, clinging to my neck.

“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, Grayson! I didn’t mean to do that.”

That ever-present lump rises in my throat and I find it hard to put words to what’s going through me. I hold tighter, so tight I’m afraid I’m hurting her. “It’s okay,” I rush to say. “I’m not mad.”

“You should be,” she cries, her body shaking. “You should be mad.”

I pry her away from me so I can see her face. “No. I fucking shouldn’t be,” I snap, not angry with her at all, but livid that this is our reality. “This is my shit. Not yours. You don’t need this too,” I stress, wishing she’d see that maybe she’s better off without me. I chew on my lip, my face collapsing in agony. Closing my eyes, fear tightens my chest and I heave in a long breath. “I couldn’t even make love to you. I can’t… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Tears roll down her cheeks and she touches her hand to my face. “I don’t know either, but I know I’ve never felt more at home than I do navigating hell with you.”

I stare at her, so many things running through my head. Her words resonate in every dark part of me. I don’t know why, but I laugh. Probably because I’m fucking insane. I don’t think it’s funny, but then again, it is.

“I’ve been waiting thirteen years for you to finally lose your shit on Josh and it was amazing.” I fall back against the ground, still laughing, and stare up at the trees. I don’t think Evie knows what to make of my sudden change in demeanor, but she starts laughing and flops next to me, still crying through giggles.

“I was a little harsh, huh?”

“It was fucking hot is what it was.” Rolling, I pin her to the ground. “I think I might have to get you mad more often.”

“I’m sure it will happen daily over the next fifty years.”

“Fiftyyears? That’s not long enough,” I whisper, bringing my mouth to hers.

I’m not sure we’re ever going to have that happy ever after, but we’ll find a middle. An in-between where we can exist for now.

45

GRAYSON

“Dude, I wasn’t thinking.” Josh blows out a heavy breath, his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I should have known.”

“How would you have? I haven’t exactly been honest with any of you,” I admit, reaching for my keys and wallet on the counter by the door. Truthfully, I don’t want to be here any longer. It has nothing to do with them, but after last night, I want away from here and whatever the hell happened to me last night. Running my hand through my hair, I swing Evie’s bag over my shoulder. “We’re gonna take off though.”

“Okay.” He nods. “Wyatt called. Said he needs to talk to you. Sounds important.”

Shifting the bag to the side, I pat my pocket and realize I don’t have my phone anymore. “My cell phone broke. I’ll just talk to him when we get back.”

I have to work on Monday so Sunday afternoon, we leave the lake around three intending on stopping for dinner. And maybe by the drugstore for those pills. Probably stopping for the pills.

I mean, they can’t hurt at this point, right?

Evie’s in the truck, watching me walk up the driveway. The air is thick, the sweet smell of a storm brewing in the sky. I lookover my shoulder at the trees bowing with the wind and smile at the ominous dark clouds gathering in the distance.

“Think it’s gonna rain?” Evie asks when I open the door and crack the window.

“Looks like it.”

On the drive back, Evie’s head is in my lap, my hands are in her hair, twirling the curls around my finger when her hand lazily dances circles over my stomach. I think about what Josh said and the look of devastation on his and Frankie’s face. I should have been the one to say something to them, but honestly, I didn’t know I’d react like that, until I did. Until the sounds reverberated through me and took me back to a place where sacrificing your life was done daily.

Turning onto Dean Church Road, the clouds open up and the road becomes alive with splashes of water and rumbles in the sky.

I smile. “Looks like we left the lake just in time.” Leaning forward, I flip my windshield wipers on.

“I’d say.” Evie’s hand slips lower and inside the front of my shorts. I know where this is heading, a thrill rushing through me at the idea. “But it looks a little dangerous to drive in. Maybe we should pull off to safety.”

“Lookin’ for trouble, girl?” I ask, smiling down at her. I cradle her cheek in my hand waiting to see what she’s going to say next.

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