Page 100 of Confessions of a High School Guidance Counselor

“We were breaking the rules. Rules I told you about the second I found out you were Ollie’s dad. You should have listened to me.” Anger grew in my chest, because it was easier to blame him than it was to admit I wanted this too. More than I ever should have.

“What are you saying? You were the one who wanted to go out today! I was fine ordering in and spending time with you in private until we could change the rules.”

My eyes stung with tears, and I blinked quickly. “If it wasn’t today, it would have been another day, another place, another person to catch us. It would have only delayed the inevitable.”

“And what’s that?” His words were a challenge, and I lifted my chin to meet it.

“You told Ollie this wasn’t serious. Did you think we were going to last forever?” I pushed open the door and got out of the car.

He didn’t answer.

“Goodbye, Cohen.” I turned and walked toward my car, toward my escape, toward heartbreak and the last chance I had at saving what was left of my job.

Cohen was still in the parking garage as I drove away. Standing by his car looking furious. Lookinghurt.

I thought about driving home, but instead, I went somewhere else. I went to the school to see my best friend.

Tears streamed down my face as I reached my office and jiggled the key in the door. I burst inside as fast as I could, desperate to see the one creature who had always been there for me, who had never disappointed or hurt me.

I took him from his cage, and he curled his feet around my finger, holding on tight as if this was the best way he could hug me. I drew him closer to my chest, sobbing about everything I had hoped for and everything that would never come true.

55

Cohen

All I could see was Birdie asking me if I’d thought we were going to last forever.

I’d said nothing. Because the truth was, I had. Forever might have been a naïve thing to believe in, especially with my history, but Birdie made me believe in so many things I hadn’t before. She’d made me believe that a person could be wholeheartedly good, like she was. She made me believe I could have a relationship, even with all the baggage I brought with me.

And now she made me believe my heart could break in half. The pain of it had brought me to my knees, made it nearly impossible to make it up to my apartment and drag myself to the couch.

I sat on the hard surface, replaying the day in my head. It had been so perfect. Waking up next to her, meeting her family, showing her Seaton and seeing it through her beautiful blue eyes.

Until Ollie and Ryde had seen us together. The look of betrayal on my son’s face had cut me just like Birdie’s exit.

I should have been honest with him, told him I was in love with a woman I shouldn’t have been dating at all, and trusted him. He wasn’t a child anymore. That much was clear.

My chest ached more as I realized I might not get another chance to speak with him. What if he decided he wanted to stay with his mom from here on out? Our custody agreement was fifty-fifty, but Ollie was sixteen. He had a say in what happened in his life, and I wouldn’t force him to stay with me if he truly didn’t want to.

At this point, I wouldn’t blame him.

But I couldn’t just give up. Not with him and not with Birdie.

I tried calling Ollie’s number to explain, but it only rang once before going to voicemail. He had ignored my call. So I sent him a text and hoped like hell it got through to him.

Cohen: Ollie, I’m sorry about today. Can we please talk? On the phone or at the apartment or the bakery? Wherever is okay with me.

I let out a shaky breath, knowing I had another call to make, and scared as hell she would ignore me too. She and I didn’t have a history like Ollie and I did. There was nothing stopping her from cutting me out of her life forever. The thought of never seeing her again was too much, so I pressed the call button and hoped like hell she’d answer.

But just like with Ollie, the call went to voicemail.

My fingers shook as I typed out a text message.

And then my shoulders shook with the force of my sobs when she didn’t reply.

56

Birdie

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