Page 67 of Confessions of a High School Guidance Counselor

“Are you sure?” Mara asked. “I don’t want you to do something you can’t undo.”

I nodded. “It’s probably better this way. I haven’t been apart from Dax for too long, and I probably need time just to focus on myself.”

Mara waggled her eyebrows. “I actually have something that might help with that.”

“Ew, Mara.”

“It’s not used!” she argued, laughing. “This company sent me a few toys to review and share on social media if I like them.”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “How is what you do a real job?”

“Some of us just like getting lucky.”

My cheeks flushed as I giggled. “Okay, but no sex talk at the party. My parents might pop a blood vessel if they hear any mention of masturbation.”

“Ugh, I still don’t get why they’re such prudes. Everyone there knows how you get to have a baby shower anyway, right?”

“You would think,” I murmured.

The closer I got to my parents’ house, the more uncomfortable I felt. I didn’t want to be like them, but right now, having true financial security sounded like the biggest blessing in the world. If only I could grab a drink from the gas station without worrying about how it would affect my bottom line or my ability to afford a down payment for a place of my own.

“What work has your mom had done lately?” Mara asked. “I always like seeing her latest upgrade.”

I rolled my eyes. “I have no idea. Anthea hasn’t mentioned anything, but she’s pretty preoccupied with the baby.”

My parents’ house came into view, and I pulled into the driveway, where a valet was waiting to take my car. The kid took my keys and handed me a slip of paper I tucked away in my purse.

Mara shook her head. “I want to have fuck-you money someday.”

I raised my eyebrows. “F-you money?”

She nodded, stepping toward the front door surrounded by a cascade of pink balloons. “You know, like if someone makes you mad, you can just give them the big middle finger. Like you could pay your school off to date that hot bartender. Or if someone insulted my car, I could get a Porsche the next day, just for fun.”

I laughed, realizing that’s what my parents had. Plenty of fuck-you money. “I only have I’m-fucked money.”

Mara cackled and pushed open the front door. People milled about my parents’ sitting room, but the main event was happening out by the pool.

“So,” Mara said, leaning closer to whisper, “you have to tell me who all the eligible bachelors are. You know, in case writing falls through on the fuck-you money front.”

I rolled my eyes. “If there are any eligible guys here, my parents have them lined up to marry me.”

“No fair, why do you get the reverse harem?”

I gave her a look. “I can’t even handle one guy, obviously. I have one kiss, and I’m all flustered. I can’t stop thinking about his hands on me.” I closed my eyes, stifling those feelings before one of these rich partygoers caught my flushed cheeks or the crossing of my legs.

“Call him!” she said. “Plan to meet up with him later! This holding back stuff is literal insanity.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but my mom assaulted us instead. “Hello, darling. Greetings, Mara.”

Mara took my mother’s extended hand and shook it. “Is that a new nose, Mrs. M? Amazing.”

Mom made the shame symbol. “You are too sly. You know, if you like the work, I can refer you to my surgeon. He has a wonderful friends and family discount.”

“You’re the best, Mrs. M,” Mara said. “Can you refer me to some cute man candy?”

I rolled my eyes behind my friend’s back. My mom didn’t see either—she was way too interested in scanning the crowd for single men with all the predatory instincts of a hawk.

I looked around on my own, seeing who I recognized. All these people were a part of my old life, going to bar mitzvahs and weddings and baby showers and whatever other excuse there was to drink and show off the latest designer purchase.

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