Page 112 of Confessions of a Smutty Romance Author

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Mara

Confession: If Jonas couldn’t convince me to stay, his parents could.

I couldn’t leavefor Atlanta without saying goodbye to Mariah and Cade. I wasn’t sure what Jonas had told them about my departure or our breakup, but that didn’t really matter. Over the last months, I’d come to love and care for them. My relationship, or lack thereof, with Jonas wouldn’t change that.

So I got up early enough to make it there before Tracey arrived. And this time, I took my truck. I was tired of the lies, of covering up who I truly was. I felt just as much shame for that as anything else.

Hayden’s place passed out my window as I drew closer to the Moores’ house. My time spent with him felt like so long ago... almost like it had happened to another person in another life. Maybe it had. I felt like a different woman than the one who had lain next to him for comfort, for fun.

I parked in front of the Moores’ house, and a fresh wave of pain came over me. I loved these people with all I had.

Cade’s truck was still in the driveway, and I could see them moving about the living room through the big picture window. They were so sweet together, the perfect complements to each other. Cade was strong and steady while Mariah was deep and feeling. I’d miss their example of once-in-a-lifetime love.

I turned off Bertha and walked toward the front door, taking deep breaths despite the aching in my chest.

I wasn’t sure what Jonas had told them or how I’d handle it. I was better at talking on paper, but I crossed my fingers and knocked on the door.

Cade answered it, welcoming me with one of those big, warm smiles I’d miss like hell. “Mara! I’m so happy I caught you. Do you want some breakfast with us?”

Breakfast. I almost collapsed into a puddle right there. “Actually, I needed to talk to you two...”

His face fell, and I could see Mariah walking toward us with a worried look.

“Come inside,” she said. “What’s going on? Jonas told us you weren’t feeling well.”

Cade let me pass, and I walked into their living room, not sitting. Just standing there trying to memorize every tiny detail of the home, from the original hardwood floors to the stacks of books to all the pictures on the wall and Oaklynn’s permanent indentation on the couch.

“I...” I took a deep breath, which only made them look more concerned. “I got a job writing for a TV show in Atlanta. I’ll be gone for at least nine months.”

The wrinkles in Cade’s forehead deepened. “Nine months?”

I nodded.

Mariah was quiet, her eyes drifting out the window as they so often did. Then her eyebrows drew together, and she looked closer at their driveway. “What is that truck doing here? It’s always parked at that Hayden boy’s place.”

“That’s part of why I needed to talk to you,” I said, looking between them despite every cell in my body telling me to run and leave the pain in the past like I had so many times before.

Mariah studied me, looking confused. “What’s going on, Mara?”

“Jonas and I didn’t start dating out of love or attraction. My career was slipping through my fingertips, and being the good son he is.... he agreed to save my reputation if I helped you with dialysis here.”

They didn’t have the surprise I expected, and when I looked to them for an explanation, Mariah said, “It was obvious, honey, when you had that news interview. But we’ve seen the love you two have for each other grow over these last few months.” She took my hand in hers. “It doesn’t matter to us how it started, only that you and Jonas are happy.”

I shook my head, stepping away from Mariah’s touch. From her comfort. This was so much harder than I thought it would be. I didn’t want to see the love in their eyes fade away. But I had to. They had to know the truth before I left, and I had to stop hiding behind the lies. “I’m not the good girl you think I am. I slept around, with Hayden a lot, and Jonas had me buy a new car to drive here so you wouldn’t know that was me. But it’s time to stop pretending that I’m the kind of person who can make a long-term relationship work. I never have before.”

A tear slipped over the tight skin on Mariah’s cheek. “You’re leaving him because of old mistakes? I know that’s not you anymore. I knowyou.”

Cade wrapped his arm around her shoulder, saying, “We all have a past, Mara. That doesn’t take away from who you are now.”

I couldn’t let them comfort me, couldn’t let them say one more word that would convince me to stay. “Your son, he’s the most incredible man, and he deserves someone so much better than me. Someone who can give him babies and a life like the one you two have.” My throat got tight. “It’s so beautiful. And I wish—more than anything I wish I could be the person to give that to him. But it’s just not me, and I can’t keep pretending to be something I’m not. It’s hurting all of us.”

Mariah and I were both crying, and even Cade’s eyes were red.

“I wish you’d stay,” he said.

I shook my head. “If I were to ever get married, you would be exactly the in-laws I’d want. If I were to have dream parents, you would be them.” But my dad was an alcoholic in state-mandated rehab, my mom was dead, and I was... me. An equal split of them both, who lived more in the pages of a book than I ever had in real life.

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