Page 118 of Confessions of a Smutty Romance Author

I laughed. “It’s never too late to change your ways.”

He flagged down a different waiter and ordered another dessert. After a couple bites, he said, “So tell me about yourself. What doestheMara Taylor want out of her life, out of her career?”

I slowly pulled the chocolate off my spoon, my eyes growing unfocused. WhatdidI want? I used to be so confident in my expectations for my life, but so much had changed in the last six months. I’d gone from happily writing books to having one adapted into a movie and wanting to write for television. I’d gone from shunning away all serious romantic relationships to falling for the love of my life and breaking both our hearts.

The answer fell off my lips, and the moment I spoke it, I knew it was true. “I want to do something that lasts.” Because even if I couldn't have forever with Jonas, I wanted to have forever withsomething.

He nodded slowly. “One thing I’ve learned from working in this industry is that the only limits are your creativity.”

It was an interesting take. One I’d never heard before. “What makes you say that?”

As we continued our meal, Bradley told me about growing up in LA with a dad as an actor and how he always felt overshadowed by his dad's accomplishments. He said he didn't act because he didn't want to be compared to his dad. So, he turned to writing and creating shows and eventually got to where he was today through creating one opportunity at a time for himself.

It was fascinating, hearing the twists and turns of his life. So similar to the ones that I'd taken.

Before I knew it, all of our food was gone from our plates, and I already had dessert. He paid, leaving a hundred-dollar bill for a tip, and then we got back into his car. He sat on one side while I sat on the other, and he had the driver show me around town. They showed me the closest stores to the apartment complex, took me by where we would be working the next day, and even drove down the main downtown street where so many tourists filled the sidewalks.

It was late when we got back to the apartment complex, and my eyelids were heavy from the length and the emotion of the day.

“I'll walk you up to your door,” Bradley said, “just to be safe.”

I smiled. “I appreciate it.” I was in a new town, and no matter how brave and bold I pretended to be, I'd gotten so used to staying with Jonas and feeling protected by him that it was nice to have someone else looking out for me.

We rode the elevator alone up to my place, and when we got to my door, he stood in the door frame. With a sultry smile, he said, “You know, if you'd feel more comfortable, I could stay the night here.”

I could see the spark and desire in his eyes. Any other time, I would have thrown caution to the wind and taken him up on the offer, seen what a fox Bradley Mason was in bed, if only for the story. But instead I said, “I need to be fresh for tomorrow.”

He gave me a close-lipped smile, assessing me with a wistfulness I completely understood. “I'll see you at work tomorrow, Mara Taylor.”

I returned the smile. “Goodnight, Bradley Mason.”

He turned away, and I shut the door on the night, on his offer, and on my time being consoled by another person. No matter how hard it was for me, I was on my own.

I walked back to my room, washed my face in the bathroom sink, and stripped down to my underwear before sliding into bed.

Surrounded by pillows and covered by plush blankets that didn’t smell like home, I wished more than anything that Jonas could be beside me.

57

Jonas

I stood in the mirror in my bathroom, straightening my tie. This would be my first date since Mara and I agreed to fake date. I’d grown so used to being myself around Mara that I wondered what Tracey would see in me.

Would she notice my teeth, which my parents paid way too much money to straighten with braces? My tailored clothes that Mara always liked so much? Or maybe the subtle wave to my dark brown hair?

Would she like what she saw long-term?

Would I like what I saw in her?

Tracey used to be everything I wanted. She was slender, shorter than me, standing at about shoulder height. She had honey-blonde hair and big blue eyes and full lips that I used to imagine kissing. But she just wasn't Mara.

I shook my head, trying to clear myself of the thought, because it wasn’t fair. The whole reason I was going on this date was because Mara did not want me. She didn't want a long-term commitment. She wanted to live her own life alone instead. So, I had to find a way to live my life without her, no matter how fucking hard it was to imagine.

I sprayed on some cologne and left my house, making a mental note to get rid of the furniture Mara had helped me pick out. I didn't care if I even made a fourth of my money back on it and if I had to buy something from the thrift shop to replace it. I just couldn't handle looking at it anymore. I needed a fresh start, in my home and in my love life.

I got in my car and drove to Tracey's house, which was just ten minutes away from mine. It was a cute townhome, and she had one of those big wreaths on her front door like Tess did at her apartment. I walked up, feeling not nervous, not excited. But... numb.

Trying to muster excitement, or anything really, I pressed my finger on the doorbell and heard a chime inside the house.

---