Page 122 of Confessions of a Smutty Romance Author

I looked down at the asphalt parking lot and then back up at my sister. “I'm happy for you and Derek; I really am. You’re going to have a beautiful life together.”

She tilted her head, looking concerned. She was about to speak, but I saw Tracey approaching behind her.

“Hey, Tracey,” I said, lifting my hand.

“Derek said I might find you two out here,” she said, wrapping her shawl around herself.

“I was just getting some fresh air, but I think I'm ready to go,” I said, lifting my arm so Tracey could slip underneath.

Tess’s eyebrows pulled together in annoyance, but she masked it as soon as Tracey looked at her. “I’ll see you both tomorrow?”

“Bright and early,” Tracey said.

My sister leaned forward, kissing us both on the cheek. Tracey hugged my sister and said, “I just can’t believe you’re getting married tomorrow!”

“Me neither,” Tess said. Over her friend’s shoulder, she gave me a meaningful look and then pulled away.

Tracey and I said goodbye, then walked the rest of the way to my car. I held the door open for her, more out of habit than anything, then got in and began driving toward her house.

Squeezing my leg, Tracey said, “So I wasthinkingyou could stay over if you wanted to.”

The meaning behind her words was clear. She was ready to move forward with me. And I needed to move forward with her instead of hanging on to the past. “That's a good thought,” I said with a forced smile.

“Oh, I forgot. I wanted to talk to you about this.” She let go of my leg and reached into her purse, pulling out an envelope. “This is yours.”

I glanced at it, trying to make out what it was in the light cast by the dash and streetlights outside. “What is it?”

“All that money you sent me in the mail. I’ve told you a million times that you guys don’t need to pay me to help your mom with dialysis. She’s practically a second mother to me. I’m happy to help.”

Confused, I pulled over alongside the road. “Tracey, I didn’t pay you, and I know Tess and Dad don’t have the money to pay you either.”

“Well it came from somewhere,” she said, opening the envelope and pulling out a notecard tucked amongst the cash. “The heart was a nice touch.”

My eyebrows drew together, and I reached out to tilt the card toward me. My eyes blurred as I recognized the writing.

Thank you for everything you've done for the best mom ever.

60

Jonas

I studied the note for longer than I needed to, realizing Mara’s fingers had been on this page. Realizing that even though she was gone, she was still there for my family. For me.

I set the note on my lap and looked across the car at the woman I knew wasn’t right for me. “Tracey...” I took her hands. “I can’t do this with you.”

“Do what?” she asked, concern clear in her voice.

“What Tess said earlier in her toast was right. You deserve someone who feels that way about you, the way she and Derek feel for each other.”The way I feel for Mara.

Her eyes shined in the dim lighting. “You don’t feel that way about me.” It was a statement. And we both knew it was true.

“I don't want to take the love of a lifetime away from you.”

She looked down at her lap, at the ring she was twisting around her index finger. Tears spilled over her cheeks. “It’s her, isn't it? Mara?”

I nodded, needing her to know the truth.

“What is it about her?” she asked, looking back at me.

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