Page 66 of Confessions of a Smutty Romance Author

She winced. “Do you know where her office is?”

“I can get there,” I replied. I took the visitor name tag, applied it above my chest, and walked down the tiled hallway, looking around. I wondered what it would have been like to be a real kid in this high school, enjoying myself and worrying more about how I looked in my uniform than how I was going to be treated at home.

The truth was, I was never really a kid, even when I was living with my parents. I had too much responsibility and not enough time to be who I really wanted to be. I was lucky to be able to make up for lost time now, as an adult with no supervision and plenty of resources.

I stopped in front of Birdie’s door with her new name tag that said Birdie Bardot and smiled. This was just one of the signs of her happily ever after.

As I reached my hand up to knock, I had to wonder why I had spent so long thinking that a lifetime love was out of reach for me. Why had I spent so long shoving everyone away when clearly there were guys like Jonas and Cohen out there who wanted more than just sex?

God, those were exactly the kind of thoughts I needed help with.

I knocked on her door, and Birdie sang, “Come in.”

I turned the handle and walked inside, looking between her and her white bird, Ralphie. “Hi there,” I said to both of them, then I went to his cage and wiggled my finger at him.

He gently touched his beak to my finger, and I smiled. “How are you doing?”

“Good,” Birdie said, coming to stand beside me. “A little nervous because this will be my first year helping Ollie plan his birthday party, but I want to know aboutyou.What's going on? Why are you freaking out?”

I closed my eyes and shook my head. “It's probably better if we wait until Hen gets here.”

“I'm here,” Hen’s voice came from the hallway. She walked into Birdie’s office carrying multiple bags stamped with the Seaton Bakery logo.

“Girl, you delivered,” I said.

She grinned. “A freak-out from Miss Calm And Collected called for it.”

I laughed, helping her with the bags while Birdie cleared a space on her extra table for us to eat.

I could only imagine how many uncomfortable conversations had been had around this table. Mine would not be the first or the last.

We spread out sandwiches from the bakery, along with lemonade and, of course, their famous cupcakes. Skipping the sandwich altogether, I went for my cupcake, licking some of the frosting. The sugar instantly soothed me.

“What's going on?” Henrietta asked.

I looked down at my cupcake, wishing I could just eat it instead of talking at all. Instead of facing what I'd done the night before. But I gazed up and look them in the eyes. “I had sex with Jonas.”

I wasexpectingthem to freak out like I was internally, but Birdie clapped her hands together and said, “Yay!”

I laughed. “Yay? That's it?” I turned to Henrietta, looking for the more appropriate response, but she was smiling big.

“You guys had some serious chemistry going the other night at the club,” Hen said.

“I love science,” Birdie said with a wink.

Did they not understand the depravity of the situation? “Guys, he’s supposed to be myfakeboyfriend, and I'm having sex with him! And let me tell you, that orgasm wasdefinitelynot fake.”

Hen pressed her lips together. “Well I don't think sex is the issue. I think feelings are.”

Birdie stared between the two of us. “It’s not fake anymore, is it?”

I looked down at my hands.

“Oh my god!” Henrietta cried. “It's not fake anymore!”

I blinked quickly, trying to understand what was even going on in my own mind. “I don't know how he feels.”

“But...” Birdie said.

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