Page 72 of Confessions of a Smutty Romance Author

“Jonas,” Cohen said. “Birdie told me the good news.”

“She did?” I grinned because I knew what he had to be talking about. And that meant Mara had talked about me to all her friends. That had to mean something.

“Didn’t take you long to follow our advice,” he replied. “How does it feel?”

I glanced back down the hallway toward the room where I knew Mara was sleeping. “Like I’m on top of the fucking world.”

Cohen chuckled. “I’m happy for you.”

“I am too...” but I was still scared as shit. How long would it be before the deal was over and Mara didn’t need me anymore? How long until she decided she could do better? That our happily ever after would be a happy for now?

“What’s going on?” Cohen asked.

“I don’t know how to make it last,” I admitted.

“I get it.” Cohen let out a sigh. “You know Mara and me... we grew up kind of the same way. Part of me thinks that’s why Birdie likes me so much. She married her best friend.”

I chuckled because I hadn’t realized it before, but he was right. Guys didn’t really sit around and talk about their feelings very often, but he’d told me enough for me to know that his mom was a user and his dad wasn’t in the picture. It couldn’t have been great for him growing up. “So what do I do?” I asked, walking into my room and sitting on the bed. “What did Birdie do?”

“Well, she had tits and a vagina, so she has a leg up on you.”

I snorted. “Jackass.”

“You ever heard about those frogs in the boiling water?” he said.

“What?” I asked, wondering where the hell this conversation was going.

“So there’s this parable, and I don’t know what twisted motherfucker figured this out, but if you put a frog in boiling water, it’ll jump out. But if you put a frog in warm water and slowly turn it up until it’s boiling, it’ll sit there and overheat to death.”

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “What does that mean?”

“For people like Mara and me, feeling good is the boiling water. After a lifetime of feeling like shit, anything different scares the crap out of you.”

I scrubbed my hand over my face, pissed all over again at her dad. At the person who made her feel like it wasn’t safe to be loved.

“So take it slow,” Cohen said. “Don’t spook her with the boiling water. Just let her get used to the temperature and hope to hell she doesn’t jump out.”

“Thanks, man,” I said.

“Anytime,” he replied. “I’ll see you at poker tomorrow night?”

“Absolutely.”

We hung up, and I tossed my phone aside on the bed.

The last thing I wanted was to take it slow with Mara, but if time was what she needed to feel safe with me, I’d give that to her. I’d give whatever she wanted to hear her say my name again like she had.

30

Mara

Confession: Despite how much I’ve fought to see my own self-worth, I still stumble sometimes.

The next morning,I told Mariah all about couch shopping with Jonas while we sat in the sunroom doing her dialysis. (I didn’t tell her about the sex part, but the twinkle in her eye made me feel like she knew.)

It was only the second day, but it was already much easier to set up. And sitting, drinking coffee with Mariah was like hanging out with an old friend.

After a while, we were done chatting, and she went back to reading her book while I typed away, adding word by word to my story.

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