Page 74 of Confessions of a Smutty Romance Author

A bridesmaid?

A part of the family?

Every part of my brain was screamingrun! And trust me, you don’t get to be my size by having that thought often.

I barely knew what to make of Jonas and me, but his family had already planned for me. Counted me in to events happening months in the future.

I’d never stayed with anyone long enough to make plans like that.

Hell, I’d never even fucked someone long enough to keep a drawer at their place for fear of losing something and never getting it back!

Thankfully, there was a chair for me around a podium near the back of the store because I needed to sit down and catch my breath, try not to run scared.

Because what Jonas and I had shared the night before... it was beautiful. Life changing. And I didn’t want to run away before I had a chance to see what could come.

Tess and Mariah went back to a fitting room while the rest of us sat and waited. Lottie was on her phone, handling a call from work, but Tracey sat next to me, telling me all about the wedding.

“Their colors are deep plum and mint green, which is going to look so beautiful with Tess’s complexion. And Flanagans is going to cater, which should be so fun and delicious. Plus, there will be five groomsmen, so you know, plenty of pickings.” She giggled. “Not that you’d care. Jonas is such a catch.”

“You think so?” I asked with a smile.

“He asked me out not too long before you two started seeing each other.” She gave me a wistful smile. “Should have agreed sooner!”

My smile stayed on my face, but out of sheer will alone. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” She tilted her head sideways. “You know what they say. You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.”

Tess and Mariah came out of the dressing room, Tess wearing her wedding dress.

“We can talk later,” Tracey whispered, giving me a blindingly white smile.

I took slow, deep breaths, trying to fight my panic as Tess stepped onto the podium.

She looked absolutely beautiful in her gown with the lacy sleeves going three quarters of the way down her arms and the delicate tulle skirt flowing behind her.

But I couldn’t focus on that.

No, Ifeltthe woman beside me. The girl with a narrow waist and bright green eyes and blonde hair. Not to mention the fact that she was wearing an adorable dress with wedge heels while I’d come in leggings and Chucks. She was my opposite in every way. And Jonas had asked her out first. Technically, he hadn’t asked me out at all.

I felt something I didn’t feel often...inferior.

My eyes stung, but I didn’t cry. Not in front of Tracey, not during this moment that was supposed to be happy for Jonas’s family and their friends.

Tracey went to the podium, hugging her friend. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she told Tess how beautiful she was. She even looked cute when she fucking cried. Not a blubbery mess like I always did when I cried.

I hated the insecure thoughts going through my mind, but I couldn’t stop them. It had been so easy to write off Jonas’s failed marriage when he told me about it like they were kids. So easy to accept the fact that he was single and waiting for just the right woman. But he’d been serious enough about Tracey to ask her out. That had to mean something, right?

And what did that mean for me? What happened when he saw the two of us standing next to each other? One girl who walked around in pretty dresses, the other girl who exclusively wore holey shirts and leggings while writing about raunchy sex and making an ass out of herself on television?

Mariah turned away from her daughter and waved me over. “What do you think?”

“It’s absolutely perfect.” Which meant I belonged nowhere near it.

31

Jonas

Around six, most of the employees were packing up or already gone. A few had even stopped in to say goodbye. My first day as a manager had gone pretty well, but it seemed like Jenkins was doing alright too. I looked up from my desk to his office across the way, but I didn’t see him through his window like usual. I had half a thought formed wondering where he was. If he’d cut out early.

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