Page 87 of Confessions of a Smutty Romance Author

“I thought about reaching out to her a few times when I ran away, but I was too afraid she’d never want to see me... I couldn’t take the rejection twice.”

I kissed her temple again. “You were the child. It wasn’t your responsibility.”

“I know.” She ran her fingers through the water. “But I wondered what she would have been like if we’d met as adults. I hardly remember her. I don’t remember much of growing up, really.”

“That’s common, isn’t it?” I asked. “With trauma?”

“Yeah.” She reached her fingertips up, running wet paths over my arms. “Do you think it was real?”

“Real?” I asked.

“The apology from my dad... did he mean it?”

I leaned my head forward, resting my lips against her shoulder as I thought. “It seemed sincere, but I don’t know him like you do.”

“I don’t know him at all. Not anymore.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I’ve changed so much in fifteen years. Is it crazy of me to think he has too?”

“It’s not crazy,” I said.

She was quiet for so long I almost wondered if she’d fallen asleep. But then she said, “Jonas?”

“Mm?”

“Thank you. For being there for me today.”

“I wouldn’t have had it any other way,” I said, and it was the truth. Being with Mara felt natural, right. Some reasons I could list and others I didn’t completely understand. But Dad had said something similar about Mom soon after she came home from the hospital. He said there wasn’t one thing that made him love her. He fell in love with her for all the little pieces that made her who she was.

“I’ve spent my whole life saying that you can choose your family but...” She let out a quiet laugh. “Maybe a little part of me has always wished that my dad could be my hero. It sounds so pathetic when I say it out loud.”

I brushed her hair back, kissing her temple again. “It’s not pathetic to want your dad to be the man he should have been all along.”

“Isn’t that the definition of insanity, though, to do the same thing and expect something different?” she returned.

“It’s faith. You always have to believe that things can get better or else they never will be.”

She turned in my arms, bringing her lips to mine. “I have faith in us, Jonas.”

Her breath was warm on my skin, and her words caught my heart. I kissed her back, hoping I could show that I believed in us, too, with everything I had.

38

Mara

Confession: Sometimes... I need someone.

I turnedin the bathtub to face him and kissed him deeply. I trailed kisses up his neck, over his strong jaw, until his mouth was on mine, and I kissed him hungrily, wanting all he had to give me. Wanting him to take my mind, my body away from all the pain that I felt in every cell.

He put his arms around my wet body, pulling me close. His erection grew, pressing against the soft flesh of my stomach, and I moaned into his kiss. “Jonas, I need you,” I said, turning to lean against the edge of the bathtub so he could take me from behind. “Please.”

Wordlessly, he pressed his length against my opening and then shoved himself in.

“Rough,” I begged.

He wound my hair around his fist, pulling hard as he thrust against me, bathwater splashing over onto his tiled floor. I didn’t care. I just held on to the porcelain, letting him ride me, letting the force of my body slamming into the edge of the tub push me higher and higher, further and further from the pain in my heart.

“I’m going to come unless I slow down,” he said.

“Come,” I replied. I wasn’t even close.

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