Page 38 of Confessions of the Funny Fat Friend

“You are the cutest,” he said, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

She babbled back at him, and I swear, my ovaries were screaming at me, GET A MOVE ON, HENRIETTA! HE WILL NOT LAST LONG! My grandma would probably say the same thing as soon as she met him.

I cleared my throat, hoping for the millionth time he couldn’t read my mind, and said, “This is home.”

We walked closer to the front door, taking our time. As he took in the simple ranch-style house where I grew up, I wondered what he thought. If it was anything like his home in Texas.

“It’s nice,” he said. “And tulips.” He gestured at the flowers lining the sidewalk. “Your favorite.”

My lips turned up. “You remembered that?”

“Of course,” he said.

“Henrietta! Who is this?” my grandma asked, her voice as sweet as pie as she watched us from the front door.

A’yisha squealed at the sight of Grandma, and I bounced her on my hip. Grandma was strong, but not that steady. “Grandma, this is Tyler Griffen, mycoworker.”

Tyler extended his hand to her, and she shook it, hearts in her eyes as she sized him up. “We heard all about your heroic rescue last week. I was quite impressed.”

Was that a blush on Tyler’s cheeks? “I was happy to help.”

Her eyes narrowed playfully. “I’m sure you were.” Instead of letting go of his hand, she maneuvered him so she could wind her arm through his elbow. “Come now, let’s meet the rest of the family.”

I nuzzled my nose against A’yisha’s ear, making her giggle, and whispered, “When you’re my age, I promise I won’t make it this difficult.”

We followed them inside, and I swear, the entire house went silent at Tyler’s entrance. Grandma cleared her throat, as if she didn’t already have everyone’s attention, and said, “This is Tyler, Henrietta’s new male friend.”

As if “male friend” wasn’t embarrassing enough, my brothers stared him down, three wolves to Tyler’s sheep. They didn’t know he could bare his fangs when needed. And then there were my sisters-in-law, both pretending they didn’t find him attractive. And my mom, all moony eyed, just like her mother.

Dad was the first to speak. “Welcome to our home, Tyler. We’re happy to have you.”

Thank you,I wanted to shout.

And then Kenner yelled, “I’m FOUR!”

It broke the tension just enough to spur some laughter while Grandma marched Tyler around the room, dutifully introducing him to everyone in our family. And since I didn’t want to stare in horror, I went to stand by the island with Mom. “How can I help?”

She gave me a knowing smile and leaned against the island. “So this is why you’ve been so distracted lately?”

“I haven’t been distracted.”

“Please, I’ve asked you to take the trash out every day this week and you’ve forgotten just as many times,” she said.

“That was on purpose,” I deadpanned.

“And that date you went on last week? I’ve seen you primp every day for work for longer than you took getting ready for that date.”

Okay, so maybe she was right, but, “Was I really that obvious?”

She nodded. “But I can’t blame you. He is gorgeous.”

Her giggle made me laugh too. “He is. Grandma’s going to be real upset when she finds out I’m not allowed to date him.”

“What does that mean?”

“My boss, Janessa, said I can’t date him, or I could lose my job.”

Mom pressed her lips together. “If it doesn’t affect your quality of work, what you do in your free time is none of her business. Especially when you don’t have anyone in town supervising you.”

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