The weight of those words hung between us, and Fletcher's dark eyes took me in. He had our mother's eyes, but I had our dad's. I was always a little jealous of him, and maybe a little mad too, because every time I looked at him, I thought of her.
Then Fletcher said, “Larkin has a good point. Have you really thought about what it means to be with a single mom? Dating a parent isn't like dating someone who's single and has no kids in the picture. The kids come first. And once those kids get attached to you, it's not fair for them to lose someone all over again.”
Now he really did sound like Larkin, and that's exactly why I needed to talk to him. But I was upset too because I already knew these things. I knew that those kids needed someone to stay in their life. “Why does everyone act like just because I don't have a kid that I don't understand how important they are?”
“I know you care.” Fletcher wiped the corners of his mouth and set the paper napkin on the table. “It’s hard to understand what it’s like to have a child and know that you are their person. Everything they need, their whole life and future rests on your shoulders.”
I sat back in my chair because... he was right. I’d never understand that because no matter how much I loved and would be there for her kids, I’d never be their dad. They’d always have their mom and dad to count on.
Fletch leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table. “Are you sure you’re okay with never having children of your own?”
Of my own... I shook my head. “I’d love a big family, but honestly, I don't give a fuck if I pass my genes on to someone else.”
Fletcher arched an eyebrow. “What does that mean?”
I leveled a look at him because after all we’d been through, I knew I could be honest with him. “Tell me that you're not worried that someday Maya or Leah will get cancer like our mom did. Tell me you're not worried that you'll get it someday and have to leave your kids like Mom left us.”
Fletcher's expression cracked, showing just how close my words hit home. “I’m scared of it every damn day,” he admitted, his voice barely a whisper. He blinked quickly then met my gaze. “But you also know that life can be over before you know it. I’m not regretting a moment of life with my little girls, no matter what hard things life throws our way. No matter how dark it feels like the world can get, they’re the bright spot in every day.” He pinned his gaze on me. “If Larkin and those kids were the only family you got... would you be okay with it?”
I chewed the inside of my cheek as I thought it over. I thought I knew my answer, but everyone I spoke to seemed to doubt me.
Fletcher patted my forearm, saying, “It's a lot for a new relationship—to think about the future when you're still figuring out the present. Liv and I were lucky, because we were friends for a long time, even before Maya was in the picture. For Larkin and you, it’s all pretty new. There’s no shame in taking time to figure it all out.”
“That’s the problem. I know. I decided, Fletch. How can I show her that I'm not going to walk away? That I'm okay with the life I’m choosing now?”
“You might know, Knox, but she needs to see you solid in your choice. Take time to think, like she asked you to. I know you always look out for everyone else, but you need to include yourself in that list too. Make damn sure that this is whatyouwant, because it’s one thing to walk away from a grown adult, another to leave a child.”
45
LARKIN
“Thanks for sendingthose school supplies for Emily,” I told my sister on a voice call over my lunch break. It was a cooler day, and I wasn’t very hungry, so I decided to walk around the neighborhood and give her a call.
It was noon here, and nearly seven o’clock there. I could hear the sounds of a streetside café in the background along with the hum of vehicles. “Of course,” Taylee said over the noise. “I can’t believe she’s going to kindergarten next week.”
“Me neither. It’s like I blinked and my little six-pound, two-ounce baby isn’t a baby anymore.”
She smiled, and I could hear her take a drink—probably of her favorite red wine. “Good thing you have a hot cop to distract you.”
I paused, my heart aching as I walked along the sidewalk. “About that...”
“What’s going on?” she asked.
I filled her in on everything that had happened with our date, saying I love you, and then the things that I had found on his phone.
“What a bunch of pieces of shit,” she spat, and then she let out a string of curse words in French. “Please tell me Knox was not texting them back and talking about you that way.”
My leg brushed against a dandelion tuft as I walked, and I picked it, thinking that my children would really love it. I hoped they were having a good day at Liv’s place with summer coming to a close. “He wasn't texting them back, and he told me that he confronted them about it earlier in person. I just get worried with the way that Seth was. You know he could twist things to make himself the hero or the victim, never the villain.”
“I mean, I agree you need to pay attention to the red flags up front, especially since this is the best that it gets in a relationship, right? The early part, when you're still being extra nice and extra sweet and he hasn't seen you poop with the door open yet?”
“Seth never saw me poop with the door open. I'm half convinced he didn't know I pooped at all,” I replied.
She giggled on the phone, and then she waited while a loud engine passed by. “So what did you tell Knox about the texts?”
“I told him he needed to think about what it meant to be with a single mom and that we couldn’t move forward unless he knew what he really wanted.”
“How did he take it?”