Page 99 of Hello Quarterback

She gave me a kiss that made me feel like it was actually possible to float on a cloud. After I said goodbye to her, I went to the cemetery where they laid my mom to rest, and I told her all about this incredible woman who had every piece of my heart.

I feel like Mom would have been happy for me too if she were here.

And when I came back home, I saw her sitting at the table with my little brother, both of them working on their computers, like two little peas in a pod. I fell in love more in that moment,seeing her with my family. Knowing our lives were braiding together, getting stronger with each strand.

Then she rode a horse, trusting me enough to try something new. I loved how she could be vulnerable, be a beginner, with me. We rode across the pasture together… It was better than any trip I’ve made to Paris or London or Rome.

And the way she smiled at the picnic... I’ll remember that smile for the rest of my life.

Almost as well as I’ll remember her shucking her clothes and walking into the water while I watched slack-jawed, wondering how I got so damn lucky.

I never thought I’d make love in the river, but she proved me wrong, in the best possible way.

But I never thought I’d get injured either, and it was like my whole world crumbled in front of me. I wasn’t sure what the future held for my football career, and I definitely wasn’t sure I was good enough anymore for this incredible woman.

I’ve built my life to be worthy based on what I could give to others. A good teammate, a philanthropist, a good brother, son... But I couldn’t give you all of me, wasn’t brave enough to let in someone new to see my life falling apart of my own doing.

I’ll regret that for a long time. Maybe forever.

But I’m learning in therapy that I was wired to run away when things get hard. And I’m working to develop the capability to stick around no matter what.

I know it’s hard for me to show proof of something so nebulous, so I’m going to write you letters. I’m going to show you whatI’m learning, how I’m growing, and share all the pieces of me with you that I was holding back before.

I’m yours, Mia. And I hope, one day, you’ll be mine.

Love,

Ford

Dear Mia,

Fall is my favorite season. When I can go out for a morning run and feel the air as crisp instead of hot and heavy. I especially like seeing all the leaves changing colors on my property. It's like God made a painting just for me, and every day, when I step outside, it changes just a little bit.

I don’t remember exactly when I first started liking fall, but I think it had something to do with my mom. She would make these art arrangements out of leaves with us boys and Mod Podge them to canvases. Then she’d hang them around the house instead of going out and buying fall decor. She thought it was silly to buy up a bunch of junk just to store it or throw it away and buy new the next year when there was so much beauty to have all around.

My brothers and their kids came over today to make leaf art on canvases. We had so much fun, but my cleaning crew probably hates the amount of glue little Leah got everywhere. (She runs way too fast for a toddler.) They left some of the art for me to hang on my walls.

I’m sure they could sell for millions, but I think I'll keep them for myself.

Love,

Ford

Dear Mia,

Today was a harder day in therapy. We talked about my mom’s passing and how I got into sports afterward. It was my coping mechanism. But my therapist said I should come up with alternate options as well. She wants me to try painting this week since I had so much fun with the leaves. We’ll see how it goes.

Love,

Ford

Dear Mia,

It was so much fun to go out to dinner with you last night, even if it was just to get Trent off my back. I had never been to that restaurant before, but your chef friend made an incredible meal. One thing I really like about you is how, wherever you go, you're like a magnet. People are drawn to you, and I think it's because of how you make them feel. You make people feel like anything is possible. At least I know that's true for me.

Love,

Ford

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