Page 234 of Niccolo

When I actually told her the truth about how I felt…

There was no reason in the world for her to believe me.

I tried to pick apart what I’d done, to sift my mistakes for some lesson to be learned.

Part of my idiocy had come from feeling guilty about Massimo.

He was on the run for his life…

And I was having thetimeof my life sleeping with the enemy in a luxury resort.

My own guilt led to missteps that, once taken, were irreparable.

But my worst offense was something Sofia had nailed:

I wish I could believe that. But with you, I never know if it’s just another move in your fucking game.

I was simultaneously treating her like a corrupt cop I was trying to bribe…

A chess piece to move around a board…

A puzzle to solve…

While also pursuing a romantic relationship with her.

I wanted the sex…

The romance…

The feelings.

And yet I treated her like an object to manipulate.

I was constantly looking for which buttons to push to get what I wanted.

The ugly truth?

I treated everyone in my life like that.

And when I finally found someone I wanted…

Someone Itrulywanted…

I fell into all the old patterns…

All the old games…

And used every device I had in my bag of tricks.

Unfortunately for me, she’d seen right through them.

Now, that wasn’t to say she was blameless.

Shewas,after all, being paid to destroy my brothers.

And me, let’s not forget.

But over the last 12 hours, she’d actually just wanted to be a woman…

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