Page 28 of Free Fall

“You want me to touch you, don’t you, Briar?” His gaze rakes over me. Goosebumps sprout over my skin like waves coursing over the ocean surface, battering at the shores of my core. “I don’t have a stop button, Briar. If I touched you, I’d keep going. I’d dive my fingers inside you, make you come around me, then rip your clothes from your body. I’d suck on your tits, pierce you with my cock until you scream my name. Is that something you want?”

I can barely get words out. With every description he uses, I picture the two of us together, connecting that way until my body vibrates with need for him. “Y-yes.”

His face falters. He tears his hand away and then closes my legs. “None of that will bring your brother back. You don’t think I get sad, too. You don’t think I want to set fire to the world and fuck everything else.” He leans over me and grabs my chin. “None of that will bring Brady back, Briar. Start thinking with your head. What would your brother want you to do? Throw your whole life away because he died? Or get out there and do what he couldn’t? You’re not going to get that by fucking random guys at a party, and you’re sure as hell not getting that with me.

All you’re going to end up doing is adding shame on top of your grief. One day, you’re going to come out of your bereaved stupor, even if it’s ten, fifteen years later, and you’re going to realize how badly you fucked up your life.”

I went from being so completely turned on to being yelled at like I’m a little kid. “What’s it to you? It’s my life, Reid. Mine. I can do what I want with it.”

“Not while I’m around.”

I growl in frustration. “You’re so fucking full of yourself. I want you to leave me alone. Cade and Lex, too. I’ve had enough. I’m not your puppet. I’m not your fan girl, and I’m certainly not your baby sister.”

Reid lets my chin go and steps back. “I don’t care what you want. You’re doing things my way.”

He yanks my skirt down, twists on his heel, and leaves the room. I hear the lock click behind him, and I know he’s locked me in here again. He was right about one thing. Shame nudges me. My brother’s best friend just touched me. It didn’t bring Brady back. It didn’t even make me forget for a little while. Now I’m just lying here staring at the red haze on the ceiling, the light from the alarm clock on Reid’s dresser the only thing illuminating the room.

It all looks so ominous. It matches my mood.

I pull my skirt further down and then run my fingers through my hair. Reid’s a prick. A hot prick, there’s no doubt about that. He says some smart things though. Things that I grapple with. Things I know I should be doing, but I just can’t bring myself to do them.

What’s normal without Brady? That’s what I want to know. But I’m also scared to find out.

What if I like it better?

What if I forget?

What if…? What if…? What if…?

My head starts to pound, and my dry eyes feel scratchy against my lids. I keep my eyes closed, trying to let sleep come to me. I’m certainly not getting out of here until Reid lets me out and it’s not like I’m going to slip out of the second story window to walk home.

No, I’m stuck here. Just like my brother stuck me with these three when he left. I’m beginning to realize that just because I no longer want them in my life doesn’t mean they’re ever going to leave it. We’re connected now in a way we might not have been before. We all lived through the same sadness. We all loved Brady like a brother, and we all lost him.

I don’t know. I’m lost, and maybe I can admit that for the first time.

I’m sure Ms. Lyons will love to hear that on Monday.

12

When I get up the next morning, Reid’s door is helpfully unlocked. I hear people talking downstairs, and since I’m too scared to jump out the second story window even if it is to avoid people I don’t want to talk to, I decide to make use of Reid’s en suite before heading down. It’s a typical guy bathroom. Sparse with several pieces of clothing littering the floor. It’s clean though. I find a fresh towel in the cabinet and drape it over the sink while I shower off the football game, the party, and even the moment with Reid.

I dreamed last night that he didn’t stop, that we went all the way. Waking up in his bed was just a tease considering we didn’t get near as far as we did in my dream. While I wash the shampoo out of my hair, I keep asking myself why the fascination with my brother’s best friends now, but don’t come up with any good answers.

Stepping out, I dry myself off, tie the towel around my body, then use the old brushing my teeth with my finger and toothpaste routine. At least it will help get the gunk taste from yesterday’s beer out of my mouth. When I move back into Reid’s room, I raid his closet. The skank shirt and skirt smells like the party, so there’s no way I’m putting that on today. Miraculously, I find one of Reid’s practice jerseys in the way, way back that looks like it’s from his middle school days. I pull that on over my bra and then find a pair of athletic shorts in his drawer. I have to roll the hem up several times, but it’s the best I can do right now.

After finger combing my hair, I walk downstairs. I blink as I take in the rooms. It looks completely different than it did yesterday. Everything is already back in order. There are no plastic cups all over the place, the keg is gone, and the furniture is where it used to be. I’m almost impressed. It’s then that I see Lex coming in through the side door, wiping his hands on his shirt. When he glances up, his eyes meet mine. His eyes widen into spheres as he takes me in. I look down. I’m not slipping a nipple or anything, so I’m not sure what his problem is. “Breakfast?” I ask.

“There’s cereal in the cupboards,” he says after clearing his throat.

I head that way. “Are you the only one up?”

“No, we’re all up. It’s almost noon, you know.”

“I must’ve lost all track of time when I waslockedin a fucking room.”

Footsteps sound from another direction. “Is that Shortie sounding so bitchy this morning?”

I look over my shoulder when his footsteps stop. He’s in the mouth of the living room, just staring at me. When he sees me looking over, he chuckles and shakes his head. “This ought to be fun.”

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