Page 8 of Free Fall

He pulls my knees apart and leans over the console. It’s not by any means comfortable, especially when he physically moves me, so my head is pressed against the passenger door before kneeling over me, his hot breath caressing the inside of my thighs. He nuzzles my apex right over my panties.

“Oh, fuck me,” I breathe. The tension ratchets up inside me. He’s going to give me exactly what I want. “Maybe tonight you can finally slide your cock inside me.”

He groans.

I raise my hips into the air, searching for him. He rewards me with a kiss just to the side of my panty line. “Rip them off. Push them to the side. I don’t care.”

His hands slide over my ass, pulling me to his mouth. He pulls my panties to the side and I look up, watching his face as he stares right at my drenched core that’s waiting for him. “This is the last time,” he growls, before diving forward and licking my folds.

When he does that, I don’t even notice how uncomfortable his car is. I get lost in his expert strokes. The way he plays my body like he’s been doing it all his life. I relax because I know he’ll take me where I need to go, suspended in a rush of pleasure where the only thing I can think about is what he’s doing to me.

I start moaning his name over and over. He brings his hand up to cup my breast, and I cry out. We don’t kiss anymore. Not like we did the first time. We just do what needs to be done. I’m not his girlfriend, and he’s certainly not my boyfriend. For a moment, I think of Ezra, but at the same exact time, the tip of his tongue flicks over my clit, and my body jolts.

I love when Lex gets like this. He loses himself too. He’s not the reserved center who’d rather watch his friends get into all the trouble. I know I’m helping him just as much as he’s helping me. He comes alive between my legs. “Oh fuck. You taste so sweet. You like that, Briar? You like my tongue on you?”

“Yes,” I stutter out. “More.”

My whole body starts to tighten, preparing for release. I want to hold onto this moment. Don’t get me wrong, I fucking love the rush of my release, but I don’t want it to end. I want to stay forever in this state, this precipice of bliss where it’s impossible to think about anything else.

“Lex!” It’s both a warning and a cry of triumph.

My body flings itself over the edge. Lex moans into me, softening his strokes while prolonging the moment until I’m putty in his arms and his grip slowly starts to relax.

After I catch my breath, I stay with my head at an odd angle against the passenger side door as Lex extricates himself from me. I stare up with my eyes firmly closed, my front teeth digging into my lower lip as I try to grasp on tightly to this moment. But it never fails to fade away on me.

When it does, I maneuver my panties back into place and sit back up. I peek over at Lex to find him already staring out the front windshield of the car like he can’t wait to get out of here now. My head starts to thump. I stuff my breast back into my tank top and reach for the door handle. I’m not even going to attempt to take things further with Lex. He doesn’t look like he’s in the mood at all to ward off my advances. I even tried straddling him once, rubbing my bare pussy over his cock, but he won’t give in. If I ever did get him to give in, I think I would count it as a personal victory.

I swallow the lump starting in my throat. Everything has already started to come rushing back to me. My hand closes over the door handle, but Lex’s voice stops me. “Do me a favor, Briar?”

I stay silent. Everyone knows not to ask me for favors right now. I am completely self-aware I’m being selfish as fuck. The thing is, I can’t bring myself to care.

What the fuck is wrong with me? My brother dies, and I lose my fucking mind. I let one of his best friends eat me out. I slap the other. I don’t even keep up with his girlfriend because I’m too inside my own head.

The first tear falls.

This usually happens, and Lex pretends he doesn’t notice, but I’m sure he does. I’m sure he thinks I’m so fucked up, which is why he’s refrained from sticking his dick inside me. Isn’t that a saying every guy hears growing up? Don’t fuck the crazy ones?

Well, I’m crazy. I’m fucking losing it, and I can’t make myself stop.

“What’s that?” I ask, my voice choked.

“Forgive me?”

I close my eyes and start to swallow the pain those words conjure. He’s done nothing that needs forgiving. It’s all me. Poor sixteen-year-old girl who lost her brother and is now ruining her own fucking life. I mean, I must be a sight. I know why my parents can’t stand to be in the same room with me. I bet part of them would’ve liked if I’d stayed hidden in the city.

But for Lex, there’s nothing to forgive. At least not in the sense he’s asking.

I just don’t know why, out of every single guy on that team, that it had to be my brother.

Instead of releasing him from his guilt over burying his tongue inside me, I just get out. I slam the car door and walk back toward my bedroom window, tears tracking down my face. There isn’t a square inch of skin that isn’t wet and salty. I’m not sobbing. I’m not even overtly crying. It’s just the tears that won’t stop. I’m not sure if they ever will.

4

The next morning, Lex and I pass each other in the hallway like we don’t even know one another. I’m acutely aware of him. The hair stands on my arms, but I’m immediately thrown back into what happened last night and the way I cried myself to sleep afterward. It’s not just that Brady’s dead, it’s that I don’t think I even like myself anymore.

Jules has been acting weird all day. She can barely look me in the eyes. So much so that I wonder if she actually happened upon what Lex and I were doing in the car last night, but I know that’s just my guilt talking. There’s no way anyone saw us. Now, I’m just chalking up her odd behavior to missing Brady. It sucks being back in this school without him, so I feel her pain.

“You know what’s strange?” she asks as we walk to our next class. “I feel like Brady was everywhere. In the hall talking to a group of people, texting me on my phone, waiting for me at the end of the day to ask me how my day went just before he went to practice. And now he’s…just not anywhere.”

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