Page 59 of Beautiful Soldier

“We were there to pick her up for the last fight.”

Jax shakes his head. “That was before someone tried to fucking bomb it.” He glances over at me. “Thanks for the invitation, but we’ll pass.”

I nod at his answer. I honestly can’t blame him for his reaction. He’s just trying to keep them safe. “I understand. Maybe some other time? We can all go out to eat or something.”

Jax throws his arm around Finn, discreetly squeezing his shoulders. “Yeah. Sounds good,” Finn says, though he doesn’t appear to agree with his brother at all.

I step up, throwing my arms around him for a quick hug. “Sometime, ‘kay?” He nods, and I pull away. “Thanks for the training sesh.”

“Same place, same time tomorrow, Princess,” Finn says, replacing his frown with his coach exterior.

Automatically, my gaze veers to my poster on the wall. Honestly, it’s fucking badass. I look fierce and determined. Basically, everything I hope I look like when my opponent stares me down from the opposite side of the ring just before the bell rings.

Finn follows my gaze. “Our enrollment is up thirty-five percent.”

Jax hits him upside the head. “Jesus. We don’t talk business in front of customers.”

“They’re not just customers, asshole,” Finn says, rubbing his head. “They’re our friends.”

Jax grinds his teeth together. He stops when he realizes I’m looking at him, and we stare one another down. I get his hesitation. I do. I’m just not used to it. Being feared in this way kind of sucks. “Well, we’re getting out of here,” I tell them. “See you guys tomorrow.”

We walk out. Oscar jumps on his bike, and Brawler gets in the car with Mag and I, taking up the backseat while I ride shotgun with the copper-haired badass hottie.

“We need to make a quick trip to the store,” I inform them.

Forty minutes later, we’re inside my apartment. I’ve already texted Johnny to tell him I’m cooking dinner for everyone tonight. He hasn’t written me back yet, but I’m not counting that as a tick in the “I shouldn’t have done this” column yet. There’s no telling why he isn’t writing back.

I make the guys sit in the living room while I start cutting up potatoes for scalloped potatoes and ham. My mother used to make this dish. Call me nostalgic because it sounds amazing. Magnum keeps sneaking into the kitchen while Oscar and Brawler find something to watch on TV. Every once in a while, they chuckle, and it makes my heart lift in my chest as if it’s suspended by bungee cords.

“So, real talk,” I say, staring at my phone again and not finding a response from Johnny. “Good idea or bad idea?”

“Good idea,” Mag says with authority. He reaches over and takes the knife and potatoes from me before cutting them just like I was. I smile up at him and start making the sauce that goes over them. “Johnny needs this. You think he’s ever known a family dinner that didn’t involve a bullet in a guy’s head? Like with Dunnegan? If he ever had it, he was probably too young to remember.”

“Do you think he’ll accept you guys?” I ask, gut twisting. I’m not sorry for what I’m doing, however I’m sorry that it might hurt Johnny. Even though, I don’t know, I believe he can be turned around. Everything that’s happening can’t be for nothing. It’s not as if I’m with Brawler and Oscar with the intention of leaving Johnny behind. I would never do that. It’s not even like I’m keeping the others from him because I’m trying to be a shady bitch. I’m not. This is just how it has to be right now, and I’ll fucking fight anyone who says otherwise.

“Don’t feel bad,” Mag says, glancing over at me. “I can tell it’s been eating you up lately, but don’t let it. You’re doing what needs to be done. I’ve been on the outside for most of this, and I’ve never once thought you had ill intentions. Never. That’s not you. Johnny didn’t give you a choice in the beginning. He never does. He’s dickheaded and stubborn. He’s done shitty things to you.” He licks his lips. “But then I saw the gradual change in how you acted around him, starting with the shootout. I think it scared you that you might lose all of them, so you just let yourself feel what you wanted to instead of holding back. To me, that takes a lot of bravery.” He puts down the knife and brushes his fingers across my cheekbones. “My gut feeling tells me...” He blows out a breath. “My gut feeling tells me Johnny belongs with us, but I don’t know if years of indoctrination will win out.”

I close my hand over his, pressing his palm into my cheek. “You care for him too.”

“Like a brother. I always have. When you initiate in with someone, you’re tied for life. No matter if that guy is now the leader’s son or someone who defected or...” He peeks out the kitchen at Brawler and lowers his voice. “...someone who didn’t make it.”

I bite down on my lip. “Brawler has a lot of mixed feelings about his brother. He blames him for his sister’s death.”

Magnum squeezes my hand, then lets go and reaches for the knife to start cutting the potatoes again. “I know he does. I’m not sure there’s anything I can say that would make him think otherwise.”

“Do you blame Manning for his sister’s death?”

Magnum gives a quick shake of his head. “I blame the Crew.”

Magnum and I finish up, then place the scalloped potatoes and ham in the oven, which still looks brand new. I don’t know if that’s because it’s cleaned a lot or if it’s from lack of use. I’m not that much of a cook. In fact, I don’t particularly like it even though I love home-cooked meals. However, maybe cooking is something I could use to try to bring us all together.

What Mag said about Johnny is probably true for all of them. How many times did they have home-cooked meals when they were kids? Did they sit around a table telling stories about their day? Did they laugh and joke?

I only have those memories from when I was a kid. I cherish them, hold them inside because that’s the last time I’ve ever felt truly at home. Hopefully, I can make a new home now.

I’m sitting on the arm of the couch, being drawn into the comedian Brawler and Oscar are watching after setting the table when the door to my place opens. I peek over my shoulder and find Johnny walking in. He’s not alone. Jiko Cardinale follows him. Both of them wear dapper looking suits while the rest of us are still in training gear. Well, aside from Mag who’s wearing his usual black tactical outfit.

“Hey,” I say, popping up from the couch to greet Johnny.

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