Page 7 of Beautiful Soldier

“Your cast is off,” he says softly, staring at my arm.

“You knew I had a cast?”

He runs his hand down his copper scruff. “We were watching you. You were never alone.”

I don’t need to push buttons, but it sure as fuck felt like I was alone. None of their faults though, so I can’t even get mad. It’s a fucked up world we live in.

Magnum opens his mouth, but then shuts it again. The move is so forceful his teeth clank against each other. Tension swirls between us, though I’m not sure why. “Finn said you had to go underground until they figured out how to get you off the hook for shooting that asshole?”

“I should’ve shot him in the fucking head. He got off too fucking easy.”

I lean forward, but the seatbelt locks into place and pulls me back. I scowl. “It wasn’t your fault they came for me.”

“It’s my—” He shakes his head, lips pressing together like he refuses to say whatever words were about to come out of his mouth. “I was supposed to keep you safe and instead, you were in a car accident, almost got dragged off by Gregory’s henchmen, and were accused of fucking murder.” A guttural sound passes his lips. “Kyla, fuck.”

His voice does something to me. He locks his hazel-green eyes onto mine, staring deep inside like he can see right through the armor I’ve already had to pull back on. He moves forward, hitting the button to release my seatbelt before moving next to me. Magnum hikes my leg over his lap until we’re sitting facing one another. My heart pounds in my chest like a crazy thunderstorm that has less to do with the fact he took my seatbelt off and more to do with him touching me. “I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t keep you safe that night.” I open my mouth to interrupt, but he barges ahead like a reckless soldier. “Don’t you fucking say it wasn’t my fault. You’re not my job, Kyla.” He licks his lips, fingers tightening on my legs. I don’t think he realizes how tight he’s holding me, and fuck me, I’m not going to tell him to stop. “From the moment you came here, you haven’t been a job to me.”

My throat dries up like I’ve spent all this time away in the scorched desert, and I crave Magnum’s next words like a tall, cool glass of ice water.

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” he concedes, warring emotions fighting it out across his features. “I was going to sit back and do my job. I told myself the reason why I was so invested in you was because of the job, but I’ve been lying to myself for a while. The moment that fucker wrapped his hands around you and tried to drag you to his car, I admitted to myself what was really going on. Fuck me. Add me to the list of guys Johnny’s going to end up killing because I can’t fucking stop.”

He’s captured my gaze in a way I can’t look away from. The green in his normal hazel eyes is deeper, darker, swirling with the truth he’s just admitted.

“I think there’s something here but tell me there isn’t and I’ll never speak of this again.”

I open my mouth but slam it closed again. My jaw hurts from keeping it shut tight. Words beg to be said, but I hold them back. I started to realize the increasing tension between Magnum and me before that night. I tried to ignore it because I already care for three men at the same time, and I’m not sure this is one of those scenarios where “What’s one more?” works.

The truth is, I can’t lie to another guy I like. I can’t sit here and tell him I care for him and then hold back the reason why I’m here. I can’t do that to Magnum like I did with the others, and there’s no way in hell I can tell Magnum the truth. He works for the Crew. He’s literally trained to take out threats, and I’m going to be K’s biggest one.

Magnum loosens his hold on me. “I guess I misread...everything.”

I watch as he slowly pulls his hands away from me. My heart breaks inside. Motherfucking shit! “Don’t.”

I bite my lip at the word that just forced itself out. Fuck me sideways. I literally have no restraint at all. It’s not my fault. A life filled with love is in my grasp, and I just can’t fucking let it walk away. Sure, some people might not understand me, but if they lived life in my shoes, they’d get it. They’d understand the longing for something that was ripped away. I want it back, but I want it ten thousand times greater. I want it to knock me off my feet. I want to be swept away because only that will make what I’ve gone through worth it.

I lay my hand on his to stop it from retreating. I close my eyes. “I made a mistake with Oscar and Brawler.”Johnny, too, I think, as I lick my parched lips. Though that one was far more unavoidable. “One I don’t want to make with you.”

His fingers tighten on me, bunching my jeans in his grip.

“I’m keeping something from you.” I have to force the words out like I haven’t spoken in ages. In all honesty, I haven’t, really. I haven’t had a friend. A lover. No one for six weeks. “I can’t tell you what it is, and I’m not sorry about it either.” What I’m doing is risky. Maybe. I hope not. Gang ties are deep. They’re supposed to be everlasting, and I’m here mixing things up. Asking them to trust me and not the institution they grew up in.

Magnum does that thing with his gaze that makes my insides display like an open book. “You don’t think I see you?”

My lips part. Nerves skitter over my skin.

“I see the real you,” Magnum says. His words set fire to my heart. Or deeper. My soul. I want to lay everything bare, and at the hint that he might see the real me, I’m lost. “I know you’re hiding something.” He swallows, looking away briefly before finding my gaze again. “You came to the Heights for a reason, and I get that it means more to you than you ever let on. I’m here for you.” He tightens his grip on my jeans again as if he’s holding on for dear life. “I’m too fucking greedy to stand by and watch anymore. You want to know what I see when I look at you? Someone who’s trying to save everybody. Even herself. I thought you were playing with Johnny at first, but I realized quickly you weren’t. You like him. You like his messed-up parts. You want to show him a better life the same way you want to help Oscar and Brawler too.”

My eyes itch. Tears work their way to the surface, but I refuse to acknowledge them. “Johnny’s going to hate me when he finds out.”

All the fears I’ve had over the last several weeks rise to the surface like I’m on a rogue wave about to crash. I’m going to hurt him. I’ve wanted to help him, but I might even send him further into a downward spiral of hate he won’t be able to recover from.

“Johnny’s...” Magnum pauses, his throat working. “I told you he’d burn down the world for you once. Do you remember?”

I nod as the first tear falls. Magnum reaches out, smearing it over my cheek before it runs down my face.

“I think you’re the only one who could make him see.”

One by one, he catches the tears with his thumbs, flicking them away. It’s been a long time since I’ve cried. It’s an emotion I hold back because it’s weak. A display that symbolizes how completely overwhelmed I am.

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