Page 64 of Knockout Queen

“It’s a character flaw,” I whisper into the room. In front of me, Brawler is turned away on his side. His massive, muscled back feels like an impenetrable wall, but I know it isn’t. Not when it comes to me.

“Won’t you just let us take care of you for once?”

I turn on my side to face Mag. His copper stubble sticks out in a stark contrast to the white linens on the bed. His sleepy look is sexy as fuck. I don’t ever see him in anything but rigidity. Muscles that are just shy of being able to move at a moment’s notice. This part of Magnum is so nice. So welcoming. I bite my lip. “There’s one problem with that,” I admit.

He gives me a questioning look.

“I’m pretty used to taking care of myself.”

He runs his fingers through the strands of hair that frame my face, fingering the ends. “But your aunt and uncle?” There are a hundred different questions in his eyes, and I realize we still haven’t told each other everything. Not by a long shot. How can you tell someone your whole life’s story in such a short span of time? Sure, surface level is there. I’m an orphan who wants to avenge my parents, but that doesn’t really say jack shit about me.

I cringe. I always cringe when I think about my aunt and uncle. It’s different. It’s weird. “I love them,” I say, starting off with the obvious. I always have. That’s never changed. Which is why I’ve never voiced the opinions floating around in my head. Never to them. Of course, never to them. It would hurt them too much. But with these guys, maybe they would understand. Maybe it’s important for them to understand this part about me so we can all move forward together.

“I sense a but,” Mag says.

I don’t know why, but these whispered words in a room full of the sounds of the guys—the family—I’ve chosen, seem so intimate. It settles me in a warm blanket that I just want to curl up in and apparently, divulge all of my repressed feelings. “I was never meant to be theirs, you know?” I say, starting out. At the same time, I’m trying to work through my own thoughts on the matter. “Don’t get me wrong, they did everything they could for me. They went over and above. I’m sure I even had a better life than I was even meant to have when I went to them, but it wasn’t my life. Do you know what I mean, Jacob? I’m not their daughter. I’m not their responsibility. When my parents were killed, my life was my own to make of it what I wanted. I didn’t want to be anyone’s burden.”

“I’m sure you weren’t—”

I bristle because that’s what I imagined everyone’s response would be. “I know I wasn’t,” I say. But even as I say it, I’m not being entirely truthful. I want to hear that I was never a burden but come on. I wasn’t theirs. They didn’t plan on having kids. Then, all of a sudden, I’m their responsibility. I’m not dumb enough to think there weren’t times when they would rather it have just been them.

“I’m sorry,” he says automatically. Maybe it was the terseness of my words or the way my body reacted to his last statement that clued him in, but that’s what Mag does. He observes. He knows me even if I don’t say anything. Even if I’m not pouring my heart out to him. “It doesn’t matter that you weren’t. You felt that way.”

“K didn’t just change my life irrevocably when he did what he did. He changed theirs, too. He changed my parents’ friends’ lives. He changed everyone who knew them. Hell, he changed everything.” I nibble on the inside of my cheek.

“Part of you is still worried, isn’t it?”

The hair on the back of my neck rises.

He keeps going, shifting his head on the pillow. “That K is going to change your life again. That you won’t be able to do this, which is why you’re taking everything on yourself. Kyla, we’re here for you. We want to help.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “You told me you wouldn’t help.”

“I told you I wouldn’t help kill him.”

He thinks he’s telling me what I need to know, but to me, it’s not adding up. “That’s going to be hard to do because my aim is to kill him. It’s not just a pie in the sky dream, Mag. I’ve trained for this. I’ve taken countless boxing and martial arts lessons. I’ve even had gun training.”

“I’ve noticed,” he says. “Don’t think I’ve missed that. I think it’s sexy as fuck.” He blinks once. “But that’s beside the point. You’re not alone in this. I don’t care what your goals are, we’re here for you. I just want to take care of you because of everything you’ve just told me. Because since your parents died you haven’t felt like you’ve belonged anywhere, and you do. You belong here, and we’ll work as a team. Always.”

“If we’re working as a team, I want to be in on everything. I want to help with the plan. I want to execute it, and I will be the one to pull the trigger, Magnum. I’m not backing down on that, so if you’re planning to stop me when the time comes, you can just forget about that right now.”

He presses his lips together. He doesn’t say another word, and my flesh ripples. His silence has to mean something, and I’m sure it’s not that he’s agreeing with me. “Angel?”

“Yeah?”

“My goal is to make sure you never have to worry about anything again. I won’t apologize for it. I won’t take it back either. No matter what.” I shift to pull away, but he stops me, tightening his grip. “I won’t stop you, but I also don’t want that for you. I’m not going to apologize for thinking that either. Every one of us in this room—except for maybe Brawler—knows what it feels like to do the things we’ve done.” He casts a glance over his shoulder. “You might think that Oscar doesn’t carry that shit around, but he does. Why do you think he’s given up on football?”

My eyes widen. I hadn’t thought of that.

“And the more you fix Johnny? He gets it. He finally fucking gets it. You should have seen him as soon as you left the tower yesterday. He hated every word that came out of his mouth, even if he knew it was the right thing to do. He knows there’s more to life than violence now, and it suits him so fucking perfectly.Yousuit him so fucking perfectly, and I want you just the way you are right now. When we’re through with this, I don’t want you to become damaged. I don’t want you hiding a piece of hurt somewhere in that beautiful brain of yours that might not reveal itself for several years until it’s festered and decayed a part of you. None of us are any good without you unless you’re…just. Like. This.” He says, pressing his fingers into my hips with each word.

I rest my head against his chest. It moves with his every breath. It’s so nice to be connected to people in this way. All it does is make me that much more determined to do what I came here to do because if K thinks he’s going to ruin any of this for me, he’s got another thing coming. And I don’t want him ruining anyone else’s lives either. I shudder to think about the people he’s hurt, knowing they’re in this same never-ending spiral that I’m in. “I want to go back to the Heights with you,” I say.

Magnum stiffens. “You can’t.”

“I belong in the Heights,” I say as calmly as I can. I knew this was going to be a fight, but my dreams were plagued by these thoughts last night. If I’m here, they’ll leave me out of everything because they want to protect me. Fine. Great. I want other people in my corner, but who protects them? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if anything happened to them while I was in this fucking hotel room twiddling my thumbs.

“No,” Mag says.

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