Page 83 of Knockout Queen

The things I’ve seen that should’ve been major clues filter through my head. I should’ve figured it out sooner. The way the cop at The Ring was so familiar with him. He told me he had a secret. Other little things like the police being called when we got Johnny, though to be honest, I’m not sure if that was K’s doing or Mag’s.

“I told you I had a secret.”

“I thought the secret was that you knew who I fucking was this whole time. You did my background check. You found my real name. You knew about my other life.”

“And that information has been safe with me this whole time. No one knows who you are because of me. They only found out when you told them.”

Nausea laps at me. My mouth is still dry as fuck. I lick my lips and swallow.

“Hungry? Thirsty? It could be a side effect of the pain reliever I gave you.”

I eye him warily. “If you’re playing the dirty cop, why are you even here right now? I doubt Kingston approved this visit.”

“Kingston sent me in here to deal with your injury.” He gnashes his teeth together and peers down at it. “I can’t be in here for long, but I just wanted to explain what was going on.” He pushes up from the sofa and retrieves a package of cookies from the cupboard along with a bottle of water. He sets them on the coffee table in front of us and offers me one. When I don’t immediately take it, he says, “Sugar will do your body good. Come on.”

I snatch it from him. “I’ll eat as long as you keep talking.”

He flinches at my harsh words, but I stick my chin in the air. If shit was going to go down like this, a heads up would’ve been nice. Didn’t we make a promise recently that we hoped not to have to lie to each other again? Maybe that’s why I’m so hurt. Plus, it wasn’t just me that was caught up in this. It was Johnny, too. I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I’ve lied throughout this. I’ve kept some devious shit to myself, but with what the five of us just shared in that hotel room? Calling Magnum out for backstabbing us isn’t too far off.

“I’ll tell you everything,” he says, voice full and even. “It started when I first joined the Crew. Mayhem brought me on board. You remember me telling you that part, right? I was Security from the beginning. Exactly where I wanted to be. I was slowly moving up the ranks all throughout Mayhem’s last year and Kingston’s first year. One day, Marx pulls me aside and tells me he wants me to join the Rawley Heights police force. They were giving us a hard time back then about…something.” He shakes his head. “He was sick of the inside guys we thought we had in our pockets demanding more money—more everything—in order to give him the information he needed and to keep his businesses safe. So, he had the brilliant idea of making one of his guys from the inside go in. So, I did. In the Crew’s eyes, I went to do a job for him that took me about a year and a half. In reality, I went to a police academy in another state. Once I got in, I approached the Rawley Heights police force and told them a redemption story about how I wanted to make a better life. They all knew who I was, of course. They decided they were going to up the ante. I wasn’t just going to be a beat cop. With my knowledge of the gang’s workings, they decided I’d be going in undercover to try to take them down.”

Magnum stops to take a drink of water before handing the bottle to me. I brush the cookie crumbs from my fingers and take a drink. I hand him back the bottle, and he sets it back on the table. “I thought at first Kingston was going to be super pissed about this new development. I wasn’t only on the force, I was supposed to be working to take them down. I thought I somehow fucked up his idea, but he loved the idea. He just loved that I was right under their noses and they didn’t even know it. It made him feel all-powerful. By controlling me, he had control over the police, let alone the tower and the streets and the people. He felt indestructible.”

“So, you’re a dirty cop? Just like K said you were.”

Mag leans over me. He drops his hand to my arm, tracing lines over my skin. “I never had any intention of turning in the Crew, no. I’ve done everything I could to help K out.”

“And the cops? They’ve never been suspicious?”

“K’s smart. I feed them information that’s just enough. That whets their appetite so they think I’m getting closer and closer. K and I work on it together. Alone. No one else knows about me.”

I nod. Not even Johnny knew. He knew K had someone, but he never dreamed it was Magnum.

“I’m not a good person, Kyla. When I think about the things I’ve done…” He shakes his head. “…I don’t even know. And to think I joined the Crew so my father would be proud of me. The more I got into it, the harder it was to get out. I’m wrapped up in two systems right now. If either one finds out I’ve been screwing them over, I’m either dead or in jail for the rest of my life.”

I cock my head. “Wait, but—”

Magnum runs his fingers through my hair, and I’m not going to lie, it feels amazing. Part of me wants to save this conversation for later and cuddle up on the couch and hopefully wake up in a different time and place. A time where all of my guys are still right here, and we literally don’t have to deal with this bullshit anymore.

Mag gives me a small smile. “When you came, you intrigued me. I didn’t see someone who wanted to hide from the Crew like the rest of us were doing. For a little while, I’d begun to grow a conscience. I saw so much shit go down. I participated in so much, and when you showed up with your determination and fearlessness…. You have to remember, I figured out your plan from the beginning. Here was this little girl coming in here to fuck shit up when I’d been bemoaning my life choices for too long. As hokey as it sounds, you empowered me. I’ll never be able to make up for the shit I’ve done, but I’ve started to actually work for the people I’m supposed to be helping. I’m not feeding them misinformation anymore. I’ve decided if you can stick to your values, so can I, whether they’re new or not.”

My anger for Mag is slipping away like sand through an hourglass, and that’s okay with me. “So, you’ve been playing both sides?”

“I’m fucked is what I am, Kyla. I’ve been able to hold Kingston off because of our history. He’s not suspicious of me. That’s why I didn’t check for the fucking bug, and that’s why I had to take Johnny. It killed me to do it, and to leave you alone, but I had to. If I didn’t, we all would’ve ended up dead right there. I told you we were playing a dangerous game.”

I grab his arm. He stops talking, and for the first time, there’s a flicker of hope in his gaze. Great. Now I really do feel like shit. I’m supposed to love these guys, and I was so quick to think badly of him. “I’m sorry.”

He grinds his teeth together. “Don’t apologize to me. I don’t deserve it.”

“You’re going to get my apologies, Jacob Cotton, because I’m going to tell you the same thing I tell Johnny. You couldn’t have helped who you were.” I choke back a sob as feelings overwhelm me. It’s not that I feel bad for them. It’s that I’m so fucking proud to know them. The shit they endured. The paths they were made to take. The fact that they have any shred of human decency in them whatsoever gives me hope for everything. “You rose up from the garbage that is the Heights, that is the Crew, and you turned it around. You’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. Johnny sure as fuck isn’t perfect and neither are Brawler and Oscar, but we’re so much more than just Heights trash. I don’t care what we have to do to get out of this, we’re doing it.”

“It’s not going to be easy.”

I’m transported back to a time when I was a kid. Dad was helping me with my homework, and I was crying over science. It was always my worst subject. He took my hand and smiled. “Honey, I know it’s hard. But the hard things are always worth it.”

I tell that to Mag now, even knowing I sound like a coddling parent, but not giving a fuck anyway. The look he gives me afterward tells me he doesn’t care either. He leans over, pressing his lips to mine. He savors me. It’s the kind of kiss that lingers for a long time. The kind I can recall later because it just means something.

In this moment, it means so very much.

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