Page 24 of Jax

Why does this hurt worse than the beating Psycho gave me?

I stay awake the rest of the night, replaying that moment in my head. It’s hard to get mad at Jax because I did that to him. I’ve turned him into every other guy. Worse is that I know I deserve it.

I watch for the early sun to shine through the windows. As soon as I see it, I pull on my shitty clothes, keep the Elite Boxing shirt, and let myself out the door. I shiver at the temperature drop and start the long walk back to the Flats. With no money, I can’t even hop on the bus. I guess if I have to hoof it, there go all those new nutrients the hospital IV’d into me last night.

An hour and a half later, the storage facility comes into view. I kept the shirt to prove to Psycho I was at their house. That I did something with them. But I hesitate to go in. What kind of mood will he be in? Will he continue what he started last night? Will he pester me with questions about Jax until I breakdown? I don’t have any information for him. I don’t want to get any information for him. Jax has changed because of me.Idid that to him.

I move past the streetlight and trek through the overgrown grass on the side of the street until I hear my name being called behind me. I spin to find Jax marching toward me, his face an expressionless mask. I stumble backward, my heart in my throat. “What...what are you doing here?”

“Get your fucking ass over here.” He points beside him, his hand shaking.

“What? Why?”

He barrels toward me. The sunkenness of his eyes tells me he probably didn’t sleep either. “You walk back into my life and slink right back out? No. No, that’s not what’s happening here. Your little friend, Psycho, lives here, huh? The one who can’t keep his hands off a woman. Real classy, Sadie.”

I shush him. The angrier he becomes, the louder he gets. Psycho is bound to hear him and come out to protect his territory.

“You think I give a shit if he hears me? What the fuck is wrong with you, Sadie? You got Leenie all upset. You—”

“What’s wrong withme?” I spit back. “You say you want to fuck me and then call me by another girl’s name.”

The corner of Jax’s mouth curves up in a way I’d only ever seen Psycho do before. “Did that bother you? Did you think I was going to fall at your feet when you deemed me worthy enough?”

I push him, hands flat against his chest but he doesn’t go anywhere. It’s like trying to uproot a goddamn tree. “You were always worthy enough.”

“You have a funny way of showing it. But you know what I’m going to show you? How much better my life is than yours. Leenie wants you at the house because she thinks you’re going to get yourself killed. I think you need a taste of your own medicine. You can’t have me, even when I’m right there. I felt how wet I got you. How much you wanted it. How much it affected you when I said someone else’s name. At first I was going to strangle Finn, but now I think he’s right. Welcome back to our house, Sadie. Just know it’ll never be your home.”

He turns, spinning away from me and marches back down the street the way he came. I stare at his back then turn toward the rundown storage facility. Knowing Psycho, he’s probably in bed with the girl he’s grooming as my replacement. I run my hands through my hair and look back at the man who was my life. At this point in time, I don’t know what’s best for my heart but I know what’s best for my well-being.

Jax can break me with his word but he won’t fracture me.

Psycho has a habit of doing both.

What Jax doesn’t realize though is that he’s playing right into Psycho’s plans. He keeps walking because he knows I’ll follow. We’re like a car crash destined to happen. You don’t have this much history with someone and expect things to not hurt, expect that your life won’t unravel around them again.

We’re on a one-way trip headed toward a collision that’s been in the making for years.

Without peeking back at the storage facility, I tuck my tail and trail after Jax. It feels right, even if he is breaking me in the process.

I catch up with him when we get to the bus stop. He doesn’t look at me when I sit next to him. “How did you find me?”

“I know someone who knows someone.”

“Vague.”

“Please enlighten me with why you think you deserve anything more.”

I roll my eyes. “Will all our time together be filled with these verbal jabs? If so, I can’t freaking wait,” I say dryly.

We’re quiet for a few minutes. My body aches something fierce. My limbs are dead from the walk but it’s my head that’s pounding, and my cheek still stings to the touch.

“You were really living in that shithole?”

“It’s not much of a living but yes.”

He shakes his head. “I was ready to give you the world, Sadie. Everything I have, it could’ve been yours.”

I bite my lip when it trembles. When I’d heard Jax and Finn were doing well, the selfish part of me wanted to reclaim what was mine even though I didn’t deserve it. But the truth is, I would’ve taken Jax without anything. I’d live with him in that storage facility on that shitty mattress because with him, it would all be worth it.

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