Page 37 of Jax

The concern in his gaze hits me hard. “He’ll disappear,” I say bluntly.

I know for a fact that Psycho lives up to his namesake. He’s killed people. He’s made people get on a one-way bus to nowhere. He’s threatened people that if they ever come back, he’ll take them out. His reputation is enough so that we listen, and we should.

Once the first few glory weeks are over, Psycho’s new lackeys understand what life is like in the warehouse. He makes big displays of his power over everyone at every opportunity. By the time the grace period ends, they’re scared to death of him.

Finn and Leenie stare at each other before looking at me. It hurts me to say it but I know I have to. “If Clive is as quiet and shy as you say he is, he doesn’t stand a chance.”

17

Angry, raised voices filter down from upstairs as I lie on the couch, hands behind my head and staring upward. Guilt by association thrums through me. I don’t know how Clive got to the warehouse. Whether his fear of not wanting to be the punching bag anymore and witnessing a loss of one of the Elite Boxing fighters to Psycho’s guy made him seek them out. Or it’s possible one of the guys got his hooks into Clive that night, and I didn’t see it. Whatever it was, Psycho is plying him with his no-holds-barred, “real street fighting” bullshit. I knew I’d get Psycho to come to the Ring by dangling a chance at showing his superiority over the Elite Boxing guys, and now I regret it.

Fifteen minutes later, Jax and Finn are still going at it. Finn determined we should all go to bed since it was evident Jax wasn’t going to listen to anyone until he calmed down. I guess his decree didn’t include himself. Little Finny is giving it to his brother, I have to hand it to him. However, Jax is definitely not just sitting there and taking it.

So far, I’ve heard what a horrible person I am, the fact that I’m a liar, and how Jax can’t stand the sight of me. There were other nasty tidbits sprinkled throughout that I wish I hadn’t heard but those were the general gist of his current feelings for me.

It doesn’t take a genius to understand that because it’s me saying Clive needs help, Jax isn’t going to listen, and I honestly can’t blame him.

A door opens upstairs, and Finn’s voice rings even clearer. “Even if she is lying, wouldn’t you feel better knowing for sure that Clive is okay?”

Well, that’s a vote of confidence right there. Just because I don’t expect anything more doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting to hear how much they don’t trust me.

A door slams, and a minute later, footsteps stampede down the stairs and hit the landing. I peek over and find Jax, his shoulders raising and lowering as if he’s trying to calm himself by taking deep, lungfuls of air. He’s not wearing a shirt. Every tight muscle ripples under the movement of his body. When I reach his eyes, he’s glaring at me, more than likely blaming me for his argument with Finn.

“You can hate me, you know?” I start, worry and remorse still plaguing me. “I deserve it. But I like to think that I’m still the same person you knew underneath all my terrible decisions. I’ve done shit that’s even worse than what I did to you, Jax.” A war between me and my emotions follows, so it takes me a while to get my next thoughts out. “I wish I could say I hadn’t done those things. I wish I could say I would’ve stayed your sweet Sadie my whole life but I don’t think that’s what I was destined for.”

“Bullshit. We make our own choices.”

“But we don’t,” I growl back. “We used to talk about this all the time. Choices can be limited.”

“That was kid talk, Sadie.” He continues the rest of the way down the stairs, stalking toward me. “That was the talk of two selfish young people who didn’t know any better. When you say you don’t have any choices, it’s because you value yourself more than the choice you don’t want to make.”

Spoken like someone who’s forgotten what it was like to be around me. “You’re wrong.”

“Then I guess you’ll never grow up.”

I laugh at that, the sound so sinister it fucks with my head. “Oh, I’m grown. Trust me. I’ve seen and done things no one should have to.” I run my hands through my hair and prop my back up on the arm of the couch as he comes to a stop in front of me. “Sometimes, you have to make the decision you don’t want to. That’s what being a grown up is.”

Hands gripping to fists, his scowl deepens. “You had another choice other than lying under oath and sending me to jail.”

I bite my lip. Vulnerability ekes through me like inky waves of darkness. “Not if I wanted to save you.” He peeks at me with distrusting eyes, and I pinch my leg, focusing on the pain so I can get through my explanation without feeling the endless emotion that comes with it. “If Kingston knew I wanted to fuck you, he’d have killed you…and me.” I watch him look away. I get that I hurt him but he has to see the truth somewhere in his thick skull. “Don’t deny it. You know it’s true. That’s why we had a plan to run away.”

He stands there and shakes his head. “You’re right. We had a plan. A plan you gave up. What you did was save yourself. That’s it.”

“Keep telling yourself that, Jax.” I clench the small blanket Leenie gave me, my knuckles aching. In some ways, he’s the same guy. In others, I wonder if we’ll ever be able to mediate the separation between us. “Look, I know what I did fucked you up.”

“I lost faith,” he roars. “In everything!”

Tears prick my eyes. “I did that to you. I take full responsibility, Jax. I’m so fucking sorry but I need you to trust me now.”

“You didn’t trust me before, Sadie. You gave me nothing.”

I sit straight up. Bitter anger grabs ahold of me. “I was saving you!” I scream, chest heaving. He can think whatever he wants of me, but I want him to know this one thing. This small thing. I did what I did for him. End of story. I saw our ending written on the walls in blood and knew we needed a twist to avoid it.

“We’ll never agree on this. You chose wrong. There was another way.”

I lift my chin in the air defiantly. “I forgot that you know everything, you stubborn ass. Even though you knew nothing about K or what it was like to be in the tower with him, of course you would know how to get through it.”

Jax bends over until we’re face-to-face. “What I know is that life would’ve been better if we were together, and that’s where your decision should’ve come from.”

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