Page 58 of Jax

Jax doesn’t make a snappy remark like I thought he would. Instead, he moves me closer to him on the seat, lying his arm across my shoulders. “Does this hurt?”

I shake my head, drinking the smell of him in. Within a few seconds, my stomach growls, and Jax tells Leenie to stop somewhere to get me something to eat.

Even though he saidstop somewhere, he refuses any of the fast food restaurants, and we end up outside one of the mom-and-pop sandwich shops. He runs in, loading up with a bunch of stuff and comes out with three whole paper bags worth of food.

I nibble on a bag of chips as we approach the underground parking garage of the tower. My stomach drops like a ten-ton weight when we enter. I don’t have the best memories of this place. Being in here again is like facing the battering ram of my past.

I pull away from Jax, and he frowns as Leenie waves to the guard in the little security booth before parking.

My stomach tightens as we ride the elevator up to the penthouse floor. Almost everything is the same. The paint scheme is a little different, and when the elevator opens, a mural of a dragon greets us but it still has all the same feelings of dread and hopelessness the Crew facility held.

At first, I’d thought my spot with Kingston was a good one. I had a roof over my head. I had nice things. I had food. It didn’t dawn on me that my life wasn’t my own until I met Jax.

“It’s okay,” he reassures me as we walk down the corridor. My heart rate triples when we near K’s door.

My feet freeze as everyone else walks in. I don’t know if I can face the past like this. Doing so will make me confront the present too. The things I had to do with K to have a comfortable living. Fuck. I’m no better than Kingston Marx. I brought people into Psycho’s group, stood back, and watched them get abused. I knew what was going to happen when we were recruiting them but I kept doing it and doing it.

How can I hate someone like K when Iamfucking K?

Cole’s voice comes blistering through the chaos in my head. He’s spitting out obscenities, getting into Jax’s face. When Jax turns to look at me, he immediately comes over, ignoring the enraged gang leader. “Hey, you okay?”

I shake my head. There are so many things wrong, I don’t know where to start.

Jax turns back to Cole. “Listen, you can kill me later. Can Sadie and I get some privacy, please?”

Cole’s gaze runs down my body. He spits out a curse and runs his hands through his hair. He starts to give us directions to the bedroom but I shake my head. “No. No, no. Somewhere else, please.”

Cole peers between me and Jax, and Leenie punches him in the arm. “I’m sure there’s a room downstairs they can have for a few moments. Right, brother?”

“Yeah, of course. Whichever one you want.” He glances behind us. “Ninja, follow them down, and open up whatever room they choose.”

Jax grabs the food he bought me in one hand and steers me in front of him with the other. The short elevator ride reveals another dragon mural, and we head toward the first room on the lower floor. Ninja opens the door, and Jax and I step in.

These rooms are all exactly the same. I had one just like it when I lived here. It was on an even lower floor but it was laid out the same. This one, though, smells as if it hasn’t been in use for a while.

Jax drops the groceries on the coffee table, grabs me some ice for my face, and then pulls me down to the couch with him. Like before, he wraps me in a hug. “You are more than the person you were when you were here last time. You are more than the person you had to be in Psycho’s gang. You are more than the person you were with me, too, Sadie. You. Are. More.”

His words tighten my throat until I cling to him like I’ve never clung to him before. Jax gets me, and I’m glad someone believes in me because I’m not sure I believe in myself.

26

We sit for a few minutes, our breaths syncing like we never went off path. Being with Jax is like finally stepping on a solid foundation. He doesn’t crumble. He doesn’t shake or go off-kilter. He’s steady and loves with his whole being.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him, my throat catching. He opens his mouth to say something but I keep trudging forward. I’m on the track now, and I need to get things out. “I didn’t think past saving you back then. I wasn’t trying to be selfish, I swear. I just didn’t want you pulled into K’s shit.”

“We don’t have to talk about it again.”

“I have some atoning to do for a lot of things.” Weight crushes my shoulders, and it feels like even a slight bit more will topple me over.

“That starts today,” he promises. “I get why you didn’t want to fight that girl. I would’ve loved for you to show him you’re not this weak thing he can push around but I get it. We can show him another way.”

I move to a sitting position, then carefully maneuver my sore leg around his hip until I’m seated on his lap facing him. I run my hands through his hair, digging my fingertips into his scalp and pulling his head back until half-lidded eyes peer at me. “I don’t deserve you.”

I must look terrible. I’ve discarded the ice even though my head is pounding. Jax is more important to me than feeling better. He wraps his hand in mine, kisses it, then hovers both his hands over my cheeks, careful not to hurt me. “No one did you any favors, Sadie. I’m not going to pretend I know what it’s like to be you anymore because I don’t. No one does. I’ll fucking fight anyone who tries to shame you for the decisions you made.”

Heat gathers behind my eyes. “You’re making it worse.” He narrows his gaze in confusion, so I explain further. “The not deserving you thing… You’re really laying it on thick.”

He cocks a smile at me, and a little of the weight that’s been on me dissipates into the stillness of the air. “I’d argue the same thing. Broken people are the strongest, and you’ve had your fair share of breaks that kept coming. As soon as the world stops treating you like shit, you’re going to thrive.”

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