Page 9 of Jax

I groan internally, my insides clenching in horror. He mounted a mirror on the door in an attempt to turn me on by watching us. It hasn’t happened once. In fact, it makes me feel worse.

I do as he says anyway. He takes up position behind me, wrapping one hand in my hair to make me look into the mirror. I spy two fucked up people. One high on power and another drowning from the lack of it. “Tell me you want me.”

“I want you,” I say, looking into my own dead eyes. My breasts are on full display. My body is still sensitive from the climax but my mind is gone again.

“Tell me you want my cock so bad.”

“I want your cock so bad,” I deadpan, keeping my gaze on myself as he slides inside. “God, you’re so fucking wet.” He holds me in place while at the same time slipping the little vibrating device between my legs again to settle on my clit.

“Psycho,” I moan, body locking up.

“Come for me again. Keep coming for me.”

I watch the image in the mirror move. It probably would be a good porn to anyone looking on the outside. My body races toward another orgasm because honestly, it hasn’t been feeling anything lately, and right now, it’s actually feeling something. Within minutes, I’m coming around him again.

“Fuck yes,” he bellows, getting louder and louder on purpose. He does it for the benefit of everyone staying at the compound. It makes him feel like the fucking man to know he’s getting laid, and they aren’t.

“Enough,” I gasp. “Please,” I plead as Psycho keeps the vibrator on me.

“Not until you’re screaming,” he whispers.

He thrusts in and out, pure concentration on his face as if he’s in this for the long haul. The stimulation starts to hurt. My clit feels raw from all of the unusual attention but he still stays there. “Psycho,” I groan, wincing.

Another forced orgasm rips through my body. The look in his eyes is crazed, maniacal. Pure bliss rolls off him. I push the vibrator away, and he yanks back on my hair, forcing my ear to his lips. “I said scream.”

“It hurts,” I seethe.

“Maybe if you weren’t so fucking dry every other fucking time. You owe me orgasms. So many fucking orgasms,” he growls, punctuating each one of his words with a thrust inside my used hole.

A tear slips down my cheek. I blink it away, hoping he doesn’t notice it in the mirror and judging by the way his gaze tracks my jiggling breasts, I don’t think he does. I bring up an image of Jax. I pretend he’s fucking me from behind. I pretend that when he saw me yesterday, he let everything else go. He told me he loved me again, and that he would never let anything happen to me. I imagine he saves me from Psycho—and all this bullshit—before bending me over and taking what’s always been rightfully his.

Before I know it, gasps and pants part my mouth. I bite my lip, closing my eyes to keep me in the fantasy. “Yes!” I scream.

I block out Psycho’s answering nonsense. In my head, I’ve locked gazes with Jax in the mirror while he’s pounding me from behind.

“Fuck yes! Make me come. Please,” I beg. I push back against him, wanting it, needing it.

“That’s right, my little whore.”

I gasp as my orgasm pours from my mouth, and Psycho follows me with a bellow of his own. I don’t feel him come inside me, I only feel his hot seed dripping down my leg after he pulls out.

My racing heart sends disgust through me even faster than normal. I hate that I gave that to him. I hate that he got me off, even if I was thinking about another man.

He rubs my ass, shutting the vibrator off. “Fuck yes, Sade. Damn. That’s the girl I remember. I couldn’t fucking think straight.”

My stomach rolls as I lock eyes with him in the mirror. I scramble off the bed as fast as possible without being obvious until he calls me back. I turn, and he beckons me forward with a hooked finger.

When I get there, he splays one rough hand around my hips, yanking me forward to kiss my stomach while one finger eases into my pussy. “All this right here, all of my cum filling you, this makes you mine.” He pulls his finger out to grab some that’s started to run down my leg and then inserts his finger back inside. “All mine. Remember that when you see your ex-boyfriend today. I own you. Every square inch of you is mine.” He opens his mouth and bites me on the stomach, hard enough to make me hiss. Then, he squeezes my ass and tells me to leave.

I exit the room stark naked and head for the only bathroom, hoping beyond hope that there’s no one in there to deal with this morning. Luckily, it’s free. I slip inside, push the metal lock into place and hover over the toilet. My stomach swims with nausea, and I flush as it all comes up, hiding the sound of my disgust as it spews into the porcelain bowl.

I hate myself. I loathe every part of who I am. Psycho can own me if he wants because I want nothing to do with the person who just did that.

After I wipe my mouth with a square of toilet paper, I slip into the shower and wash everything away, taking extra care to clean between my legs. Psycho forces both of us to regularly test for STDs, and luckily, he also deems it necessary to always pay for my birth control with our stolen winnings, so at least I don’t have that to worry about.

As much as I’d love to cry in the shower, my time is not my own. If I take too long, Psycho will bust the door down and find me here. Instead, I package up everything that just happened and force it into a corner of my mind. I have a bunch of moments just like this, hidden away. One day, I might be able to unpack them all. But for now, they’re safe there until a day when I don’t have to worry about survival and have the luxury of sorting through my own feelings.

When I return to the room, there’s no sign of Psycho but my outfit for the day is laid out for me on the grungy bed. I pull on a pair of faux leather pants and a halter, coupled with matching lace underwear. There’s always a reason behind why Psycho does things, so I inspect the clothes for their meaning. Either he’s trying to praise me for orgasming with his dick inside me, or he has a reason for why I need to be wearing this sexy outfit.

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