Page 35 of Hush, Hush

We’re in the library, the stark white fluorescent lights overhead making the picture in my head crystal clear. I shrug. “I don’t know. I just can’t shake the feeling that the party’s not a good idea.”

He bends, his cheek scratching against mine. “It’s a tradition. There’s nothing you can do about it.”

Despite my best efforts, the girls we chose are all super excited about Devil’s Night. I met with them the other day to talk about the timeline of events. They were all giddy with excitement. I could practically see the dollar signs in their eyes as I showed them the costumes they’re wearing and brought along the seamstress to take their measurements.

There’s power in sex and sexual appeal, but how can I fight against the devaluing of women when I’m made to have this role? When the very girls I’m trying to fight for see nothing wrong with it? “Maybe I worry too much,” I admit.

“You have a lifetime to plead your case, Dee.” He moves one of the wooden chairs next to me and sits. “You’re already changing their minds. Sir Wright hasn’t asked me about you again. He’s all but forgotten about my complaint. If they like you, they’ll open their minds to more women being Knights. With more women comes more change.”

I narrow my gaze. He doesn’t sound like the Keegan I’ve known sometimes.

He holds his hands up. “I know. You’re calling bullshit. I like the Knights the way they are, you know that. But it means something to you, and you mean something to me.” He grabs my hand and strokes my palm with the tips of his fingers. “I’m learning a lot from you and trying to be open-minded. I can see why you feel the way you do.” He shrugs. With every little thing he says, he starts to fill the mile-wide pit between us. He doesn’t believe in my vision yet, but he sees that I care about it, so I trust him when he says he’s trying. I always knew he had the capacity to care inside him. The scope to look past his own needs and desires to see the world through others’ eyes.

I lean forward to kiss him. “I know you do,” I whisper, thankful to have him back as an ally instead of an enemy. He makes the worst enemy because he knows so much about me it’s scary. We’ve revealed a lot of truths to each other over the last week. He hasn’t felt like he was good enough for me in a long time. He delivered a self-fulfilling prophecy by sleeping with other women. Uncertainty got him too. In our world, no one wants a wife who sticks up for herself. Unfortunately—and fortunately—my father taught me the exact opposite. I’m not a “sit in the corner and look pretty” kind of girl, and it takes a strong man to be with someone like me. Given our backgrounds, it’s a wonder we’re not an epic rivalry in the making, destined to clash over and over again.

“Tomorrow’s your second big step,” Keegan states.

“Second?”

“The first was making it into the Knights,” he whispers, an unsure gaze darting around the recesses of the library. “I never congratulated you like I should have. I was jealous.”

“I can’t stop being who I am,” I tell him. It’s the one sticking point I keep having with Keegan. I have a feeling this point of contention will be with us throughout our entire lives.

“And I don’t want you to be. I’d rather you be you than let me win. Plus, you just push me to work harder.”

I grin. “That’s not all bad then.”

“Not at all. Actually, I’d rather lose to you than anyone else.”

“Ooh, coming out with the compliments, I see.”

His eyes flash. “Nothing but the best for my—” He trails off, cocking his head to the side. “I guess we still have to figure that part out, don’t we?”

Nerves flutter in my stomach. Neither one of us knows how to tread this line. I’ve always loved him. I’ve always hoped we’d end up on an altar someday. Sure, there’s an agreement between our families, but we have to feel it too. I promised myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t pressure him. I’d let him travel the course in his own time.

“Is Eden coming to the party?”

I shake my head. “Yeah, right. She’s loving life where she is. Her invitation was a formality. There’s no way she’s leaving her school to slum it with us in jacket weather right now. Besides, you’ll probably have to apologize when you see her, and that doesn’t sound like something you’ll enjoy doing.”

He grimaces. “How much does she know about what’s been going on?”

“I haven’t told her a thing. The less she knows the better. She already thinks I’m crazy for wanting to follow in Dad’s footsteps, and the idea of the Devil’s Night Party is everything she hates about being an Astor.”

“Does she know about me?”

I bite my lip, loving that he actually cares to know. “Not yet,” I tell him. “I didn’t know how to tell her.”

He presses his lips together. “You didn’t just come out and tell her that you can’t wait to impale yourself on my dick?”

I nearly choke, then squeeze his hand to chastise him. “I definitely did not say that.”

“You should tell her because it’s true.”

“You wish, Keegan Forbes.”

“Your constantly drenched panties say otherwise, Beautiful Girl.”

“Why haven’t you just done it?” I ask, mirroring a question I’ve asked him before. This time, we’re in different places though. I’m willing to give it to him. “You haven’t asked.”

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