Page 103 of More Than Pen Pals

fifty

The second Randall relayed Leslie’s phone number to me, I rushed home so I could call her in privacy. Now, as I wait for her to pick up, my heart races. My entire body is tense as I sit on the edge of my couch with the phone to my ear. I have no idea how this conversation is going to go, but I’m relieved she wants to talk to me.

“Hello?” Her voice is full of uncertainty, which pierces my heart with a thousand tiny needles.

“Hi.” I close my eyes. “Leslie—”

“I’m sorry,” she blurts out. “I was out of line, and I’m so sorry I hurt you. I never want to hurt you, Ash.”

My heart is leaping around like a frog on steroids. “I’m sorry, too. I should’ve canceled with Melissa. To be honest, I should never have started that ridiculous farce with her.”

“No, you don’t have to apologize,” she says vehemently. “You did nothing wrong. In fact, you were trying to do the right thing by telling me, and I blew it all out of proportion.”

“I did at least three things wrong. I didn’t tell you about Melissa, I deceived my mom, and I didn’t tell her about you. I’m going to talk to Mom about all of it on Saturday as soon as she gets back from her trip to see my aunt. I promise.”

One thing I realized on my drive home was if Mom can forgive me for deceiving her, she’ll have a hard time justifying not forgiving Leslie for deceiving me when we were kids. And if she doesn’t forgive one or the other of us, well then …

“You don’t have to tell her if you’re not ready.” Leslie is breathing heavily, like she’s trying not to cry. “And I don’t know what you should tell her about me, anyway.”

My heart stops, even though I’m sure she’s about to say what I was going to suggest. I say it so she doesn’t have to. “Because we can’t date yet.”

“No, we can’t.” She sounds sad but resolute. “I’m so sorry, Ash. I jumped the gun, and I ruined everything.”

“Hey,” I say gently, wishing I could comfort her with my touch instead of only my words. “This isn’t your fault. I wanted it as much as you did. I could’ve said no—that we needed to wait longer—but I didn’t. And you didn’t ruin anything. We’re still good. We simply need more time. Right?” I hope I’m not off about this.

“Right.”

Most of the tension leaves my body with that one little word.

“I hate what Glenn did to you,” I say. “And I want to help you get past it, but I don’t know that I can. So I think we need to really limit our contact.”

“I agree. Should we go back to our original plan?”

I grit my teeth. I don’t want to say this, but I have to. “No. We shouldn’t have any contact outside of work—not even letters.”

Spending all our time wondering when the other person will write, analyzing what they wrote, thinking about what we’ll write back, and writing the letters won’t be helpful to our cause. I realize I’m making assumptions on her part, but based on her reaction to me tonight, she needs this break as much as I do.

Her voice catches when she says, “Okay.”

“Isit okay?”

“Not really, but it’s what we need. For how long?”

“As long as it takes.” I pray it won’t take very long, but I’m willing to wait forever if I need to.

“What about Shannon?” she asks. “He’s coming to town specifically so he can meet you. He already bought his plane tickets.”

“I thought about that. I think he should meet me, but you shouldn’t be there—or Wendy, obviously.”

“She’ll be devastated.”

Leslie huffs out a laugh and my body relaxes fully at the sound. I finally lean back against the couch and make myself comfortable.

“Oh, but she still needs to meet him. What if they’re soulmates?” I tease.

“Yeah, right.”

“Well, she loves you already, so why wouldn’t the same happen with her and your twin?”

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