Page 136 of More Than Pen Pals

“Leslie, you need to stop,” I grit out between clenched teeth.

“I don’t want to wait anymore—not for anything,” she says against my skin as her fingers toy with the top button of my shirt. “I’m ready for all of it.”

The button pops loose and I freeze. She senses it, because she leans back.

“Ash?” Her eyes search mine. “Are you not ready for all of it?”

Am I? My hormones are screaming yes, but my head is telling a different story.

Leslie smooths a hand down the side of my face, stopping at my jaw. “It’s okay if you’re not.”

I didn’t think I could love her more, but I was wrong.

“Talk to me,” she says softly as her thumb strokes my cheek. “What’s going on inside this head of yours?”

“I … I wasn’t expecting this today.”

“If you don’t want to …” She pulls her hand back and suddenly looks unsure of herself, and I hate that she might think I don’t want her in every way.

“It’s not that I don’t want you—want this,” I assure her as I take her hands in my own. “I do.” I suck in a steadying breath. “But it’s been less than two weeks since you said we weren’t going to jump into bed anytime soon. I don’t want you to make this decision in the heat of the moment and regret it later.” My face burns. “Also, I don’t have any protection, because I didn’t think it would happen so quickly.”

The heat in my face intensifies when I add, “And I’m a little nervous. I should have told you this before, but I’ve never …” I close my eyes, hoping she doesn’t think I’m less of a man because of what I’m telling her. “I’ve never …” I can’t make myself say it.

My heart stops when her hands pull out of my grasp, but then they cradle my face, and her mouth is on mine. “You beautiful, wonderful man,” she murmurs against me.

“What are you saying?” I breathe into her.

She leans back enough to look me in the eye. “That you’re strong and thoughtful and amazing and I don’t deserve you.”

My chest tightens. “You deserve everything.”

“Maybe so, but so do you. You deserve infinitely more than being unsure about this. It wasn’t fair of me to think mine was the only opinion that mattered here. And you’re right, this isn’t the time for me to make this decision, either. I want both of us to be one hundred percent ready in every way, no matter how far in the future that might be.”

I nod because it’s impossible to speak around the lump in my throat.

“We’ll talk about this again when I’m not sitting on top of you.” Her mouth quirks into a grin. “But for now, can we make out in the chair?”

I clear my throat. “Under two conditions.”

“Anything.”

“First, tell me where Shannon is.”

“He went to Randall’s. We already said goodbye, and your brother is taking him to the airport.”

“Good. And second, you’ve got to stop straddling me. You’re killing me here.”

sixty-five

“Lady Leslie, what happened to Ash Hamilton?” Diego demands at two minutes after eight on Monday morning. “I tried to call him at work at the crack of eight o’clock, but they informed me he does not work there anymore. They said the same about Randall. I demand to know why my ace team is falling apart!”

I switch my phone to the other ear. “Calm down, my friend. They’re not leaving you, but they have left the firm.”

“Thefamilyfirm! What are you not telling me?”

“Their father was very much not on board with them working on this project with you,” I say diplomatically, “so they quit.”

“They quit.” His voice is devoid of all emotion.

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