Page 15 of More Than Pen Pals

My aunt Starla is one of my favorite people, and she’s the best at keeping secrets. In fact, until today, she’s the only person in my life who knew Ash was a boy. Even my parents and Shannon never knew he wasn’t a girl.

“Of course I won’t, kiddo. You know you can trust me.”

“I do.”

She’s never failed me yet. Aunt Star is my dad’s younger sister who lives in the small town where they grew up in Missouri. When I was a kid, my siblings and I spent two weeks with my grandparents at the end of every summer, and Aunt Star was always around. She was tons of fun, and we could talk to her about anything without worrying she’d tell anyone or mock our youthful secrets and confessions.

I take a deep breath. “I ran into my old pen pal Ash at lunch. It didn’t go well.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “Because when we were kids, I never told him I was a girl.”

She’s silent for so long my heart inches up toward my throat.

“Les,” she finally says, “for once in my forty years, I’m not sure what to say. But we’ll get you through this, I promise. Why don’t you tell me exactly what happened, and then we’ll figure things out from there, okay?”

I tell her every detail.

“Please tell me what to do.” I wind the phone cord around my finger as I sit cross-legged on my bed. “I want to march into his office and demand he listen to me, but I doubt that’s the best idea.”

“You might need to give him some time. He was blindsided by this, and in public, too. Let him have some space to process it first. Imagine how you’d feel if it were you. In fact, think about how you felt when you discovered he was a boy. What ran through your head? Do you remember?”

I remember it as clearly as if it were yesterday. “Well, I was shocked, obviously. And then I thought back through everything I’d told him, scared I’d said something I’d never say to a boy.”

“Did you?”

“No.”

“But did he ever write anything you think he’d never have said if he knew you were a girl—especially after you knew the truth?”

“Yes,” I admit in a small voice.

As we got older, he told me many things he probably wouldn’t have if he knew the truth. At first, I was too young to understand all the implications of my decision. And then when puberty hit, I felt special that a cute boy was sharing his innermost thoughts and feelings with me, though in the back of my mind I knew what I was doing was wrong. But now I realize how deeply I betrayed him.

“I’m a terrible person,” I say. “How can I face him again?” I flop onto my back.

“You’re not a terrible person, Les. Never think that. You’re kind and smart and adventurous, not to mention almost as beautiful as your favorite aunt.” She laughs at her joke. “But you did make a big mistake many years ago that needs to be made right.”

One thing I appreciate about Aunt Star is she doesn’t pull any punches. She tells you the truth even when you don’t especially want to hear it, but she somehow manages to not make you feel awful in the process.

“What were the odds of me running into him?” I ask.

“Ridiculously low. But I don’t think you running into him is a coincidence.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m not saying I think you’re destined to marry him. But you were close once—maybe you can be again.”

“I doubt it.”

“Would you want to get to know him again?”

I sigh. “If he can forgive me. We had such a great connection all those years ago, even if it was born of deception.”

“It wasn’t born of deception. Your friendship started because of an honest mistake at wherever pen pal matches are made. The deception came later, at the hands of a ten-year-old. Did you ever write anything to him that wasn’t true? Or did you simply lie by omission?”

“There was the big lie of omission, but I never technically lied. I sometimes worded things so he wouldn’t know I’m a girl. And I disguised my handwriting so it wouldn’t look girly.” I cover my eyes with my free hand. “This only keeps getting worse, the longer I think about it.”

“You’ve always been good with words,” my aunt says. “Use them well when you do eventually talk to him about all this. Now, tell me all about your new job.”

eight

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