Page 108 of So Much More

No, because she’d be disappointed in me. I drop my head into my hands, and Sonya sits next to me and rubs circles on my back.

She says, “I think you need our support as much as we need yours today. Tell us what you’re feeling.”

I pound my fist into my knee. “I’m feeling like I should have insisted I be the one to stay with Mom. I’m the oldest. That should be my responsibility. And Ash knows you girls so much better than I do. He’d know what to do to make you feel better. Instead, I’m making everything worse.”

Tonya sits on my other side and wraps an arm around me. “You’re not.”

“But you just said—”

“What I said was stupid,” Tonya says. “They’re your parents, too. You have as much right to be upset about what’s happening as we are. You don’t have to be strong for us all the time, Randall. If you’re anxious or scared, you can say it. We can handle it. We’re not little kids anymore. Let us help you, too.”

I suck in a few deep breaths as I consider what she said, and I determine she’s right. Plus, anything I’m thinking or feeling, they’re probably thinking or feeling, too.

“Okay,” I say, “the biggest thing is I’m scared Dad is going to carry out his threats and hurt Mom. Physically, I mean. He’s already hurt her plenty in every other conceivable way.”

“He won’t hurt her,” Sonya says. “Ash won’t let him.”

“What if he does?”

“He won’t. Ash is practically a giant. Dad can’t hurt Mom if Ash is there, no matter how hard he tries. You know that.”

“But it should be me there. If Ash gets hurt because I wasn’t man enough to be there, I’ll never forgive myself.”

“Randall,” Tonya says, “you were man enough to insist your little sisters not witness whatever is happening between our parents today and to ignore your desire to be there in order to be here with us. That’s as important as what Ash is doing.”

“She’s right,” Sonya agrees. “I can’t tell you how glad I am that I’m not there. Yes, I want to know what’s happening, too, but I would’ve been a basket case if I’d been there, and then the rest of you would’ve been focused on me instead of Mom and whatever Dad was doing. All three of us are exactly where we need to be—right here, together.”

Brrrring!

I jump up and grab the phone off the end table, my heart beating wildly. “Hello?”

“It’s me,” Wendy says. “I’m dying over here, wondering how you’re doing. Leslie is, too.”

“We haven’t heard anything yet.” I glance at my sisters, who both relax back against the couch with the knowledge it’s not Ash or Mom on the phone.

“Do you think that’s a good thing or a bad thing?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you okay? Do you need me to leave work early and come over?”

While I would love her to be here, I realize this is something I need to do with my sisters. I need them to know I trust them to support me. “No,” I say. “We’re all good here. The girls are keeping me in line.” I smile at them, and they both grin back.

“Let me know if you change your mind,” Wendy says. “Call me later, okay?”

“You know I will. Thanks for checking on us.”

“You’re welcome, baby. I’ll talk to you soon.”

The term of endearment hits me right in the heart, and I can barely choke out my goodbye. When I hang up the phone, Sonya pats my vacated spot on the couch, inviting me back. I move the phone to the coffee table, take a seat, and put my arms around both of my sisters. They snuggle up against me, and we sit quietly, waiting for the call.

Twenty silent minutes later, the phone rings again. This time, I don’t panic. I carefully remove my arms from my sisters and calmly pick up the phone.

It’s Ash, and he sounds like he’s been through the wringer.

“He reacted about like you’d expect,” he explains. “He yelled. He cursed. He threw things. He broke things.”

“Did he …?” I can’t say the words.

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