Page 23 of Halstead House

“How can you be doing just fine when you know you’ve left me?” she asked.

The familiar stone fell into my stomach. “I’m not trying to hurt you.”

“Then what are you trying to do? What am I to think? You ran away to some island as though you had nothing here to worry about leaving.”

I swallowed hard. I didn’t want to see it from her point of view, but Mother did have a point. She was as unfamiliar with me rebelling as I was with making my own choices. We were both charting new waters here.

“I’m...”

“You need to come home right now,” Mother snapped before I had a chance to offer up the apology I’d been starting. “You’ve been there long enough. I tolerated this littleepisodeof yours, but two weeks is plenty of time to see the sights.”

My mouth froze, the apology dying on my lips. While I was sorry that I’d worried my mother and that she felt all alone and abandoned, I wasn’t at all sorry I had come to Lavender Island. I most definitely was not sorry for the things I’d experienced in the past two weeks. In my mind I rephrased what I’d been about to say.

“I’m sorry you’re lonely,” I offered softly.

Mother was silent for a split second. “That’s all you’re sorry for?”

“I’m also sorry that you feel hurt by my choice to come here.” I was suddenly desperately grateful for the protection of a long-distance phone call. Even with that, I’d started biting my lip. No one made me feel as unsure as my mother did.

“I don’t know what to you say to you, Grace. I don’t recognize this side of you. You’ve never been troublesome and dramatic.”

“I’m not trying to...” I stopped myself. I did not want to grovel. Groveling Grace was in the process of being put to rest.

Mother didn’t seem to notice I’d stopped myself from finishing my phrase. “Well, you are. I raised you better than this. I have no idea what’s gotten into you. Did you join a cult? Have you been brainwashed?”

I somehow managed to make a sound of amusement I didn’t feel. “Of course I didn’t. All I’ve done is made a decision without consulting you first.” The statement echoed in the stillness of what I could only assume was surprise on her part—because I was certainly surprised that I’d dared to say it.

After a few beats of heavy silence she was back on the attack. “You say this as though I’m a monster who has you under her thumb. You’re my only child, my only family. You’re asking me to shut that off and not care where you are or what you’re doing?” Mother’s voice had gained a shrill edge that caused me to close my eyes tightly against the emotion boiling up. “Am I supposed to just allow you to run around the country freely?”

I bristled at the wordallow. At my age my mother shouldn’t beallowingme to do anything. Still, I didn’t have the guts to say that, so instead I said, “I’m asking you to trust me.”

We were at a stalemate. It was the first stalemate of our relationship. It wasn’t lost on me that this conversation was long overdue. I was having a conversation that most people had at age sixteen.

But even with that knowledge, oh how I wanted to cave. Twenty-five long, long years of indoctrination had taught me that my mother’s love required obedience and conformity. I opened my mouth several times, almost letting the words slip out that would heal this breech. The temptation was so great that I finally put a hand over my mouth, using all my willpower to fight this battle.

“Fine,” Mother sighed at last. “If family means so little to you, then you can forget you even have a mother.”

The line went dead.

Well. That was new. She’d never disowned me before. I clicked off my phone and let it fall to the bed. I didn’t have the energy to move, for fear I’d break into pieces. I’d finally discovered how it felt to defy my mother, and it didn’t feel good. It felt like I’d been gutted. Hot tears filled my eyes and threatened to fall.

A soft knock at the door caused me to jump a bit, and I went to answer it on autopilot, wiping under my eyes as I walked across the room. I didn’t have enough brain power left to wonder if I should be answering, or to consider how I might look to the person on the other side. I was a robot.

I opened the door and it turned out I could still feel something, because I was horrified to see Lucas standing on the other side. He was dressed in a business suit, although his tie was hanging loose and the top button of his shirt was undone. I couldn’t help but notice how the olive skin of his throat contrasted with the white shirt before I glanced up to his face. He looked as stoic as ever, which gave me a little comfort. In my current state stoic was welcome. Kindness would have broken me.

I shifted my gaze to the side and wiped at my eyes while I cleared my throat and blinked away the stray tears. He remained a silent wall of man. For some reason his muteness almost made me smile. Almost. Instead I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Still he said nothing and the silence grew strained until I met his eyes once more. They were wary. He’d obviously seen the emotion on my face.

All I knew was that I couldn’t stand there all night, so I breathed in and said, “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but is there something I can help you with?” I tried to soften my expression to let him know I wasn’t trying to be unkind. He didn’t reciprocate. I noticed a file folder in his hand and gestured toward it. “Is that for me?”

He looked down, as though he’d forgotten it was there. “Aunt Eliza left town tonight and won’t be back until late tomorrow. She remembered this at the last minute. I was on my way to bed and thought to save her the trip back upstairs. It’s for the wedding next week. She’ll check in with you when she returns day after tomorrow to go over whatever’s in here.” He handed over the folder.

While I knew Lucas slept on the same floor as me, this was the first time I’d seen him there. The reminder was followed by a deep embarrassment, like I was somewhere I really shouldn’t be.

“Thanks.” I nodded and stepped back into my room. “Have a good night, then.”

Lucas nodded. I started to close the door, but one large hand reached to stop it. The movement wasn’t aggressive, but it startled me and my eyes flew up to his.

He pursed his lips as though his words were being forced out against his will. “Are you okay?”

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