Page 89 of Halstead House

“I haven’t spoken with her since she returned to Providence.”

“Hmm. How long has that been?”

“Two and a half weeks now,” I replied as the familiar ache bloomed in my chest.

“Is that the longest you’ve ever gone without speaking to her?”

“Before I came here, we talked every day.”

Eliza opened her eyes and rotated her head to the side to meet my eyes. “Do you miss her?”

“I don’t know how I feel about her.”

I knew that I didn’t feel right about the silence between us, but I also knew that I couldn’t go back to how things had always been. My mind tossed it around constantly, jumbled thoughts criss-crossing during the quiet hours. Children love their parents, even though no parent is perfect, and while mine had been more difficult than most, I was no exception to the rule.

“Are you hoping to talk to her before your sabbatical is over, or wait until you return home?” Eliza asked.

“What do you think I should do?”

“My dear, there is no way I can tell you what to do. I didn’t grow up in your household. I didn’t have your same experiences. We don’t have the same personalities. It really has to come from you.”

I sighed and flopped my head back against the headrest of the chair. “That’s not very helpful.”

“What does Lucas say?”

I couldn’t stop the smile that rose at the thought of Lucas. It had been the best week of my life since the fundraiser. He hadn’t had to travel, and he’d kept his evenings free. We’d walked on the beach and had a few meals together in the kitchen or outside at a picnic table. He’d even taken me on a motorcycle ride along the seawall road that had left me breathless with an addictive mix of terror and excitement. We’d talked about so many random things, even sharing some of our more personal thoughts. What we had studiously avoided were the topics of my return to Providence and my relationship with my mother. He didn’t want to pressure me, and I didn’t know what to say.

“We haven’t talked about it,” I replied.

“Oh.”

“What do you mean, ‘oh’?”

“Nothing, dear. I just assumed you’d spoken about it.”

I puffed out some air and looked away from her. “We’re avoiding it.” Eliza chuckled and I made a grumbling noise. “I should probably call my mother.”

“No one is pressuring you to have a conversation or any type of relationship you aren’t comfortable with.”

“I’m her only daughter. She’s my only family.” It was a hard truth. If I wanted family, my mother was my only option. And I wanted family. I just wished it didn’t have to be a choice between being controlled and being free.

“We’re family too, in a way.” Eliza reached over and patted my hand.

“Thank you.”

Her head fell back again, her eyes closing. “Hard to believe that today was your last event.”

I sat up straight, my feet flopping out of the fountain with a splash, my head swiveling quickly in her direction. “What?”

Her eyes slit open to look at me, and her lips curved up at my expression. “I know time flies, Grace, but you can’t have totally lost track of it. You only have a little over a week left before you’ll need to fly back if you want a few days to settle in and prepare to return to your job.”

I looked away from her as my expression fell. How could it be possible that I had so few days left on Lavender? Eliza assumed I was going back, and that’s because I hadn’t said anything to the contrary. Heck,Iassumed I was going back. No conversation had happened between me and anyone else to suggest otherwise.

A sharp pain shot straight through my heart and left my hands shaking as I thought about driving away and getting on a plane. I tried to hide it by putting my feet back in the fountain and clasping my fingers together in my lap.

“That went fast,” I mumbled.

“Of course, you’re welcome to stay if you can extend your sabbatical.”

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