Page 94 of Halstead House

We started walking, and while I didn’t feel peaceful, I did feel resolved to try to have this conversation again, without the theatrics. Because like it or not, she was right. I needed to decide for once if I was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, or just a double stuffed sheep with illusions of grandeur.

I sniffled. “What happens if you’re wrong, Ana, and he really does want this thing between us to end when I go back?”

“Then you can water the entire beach with your tears, and I’ll have Chef Lou make you the biggest chocolate chip cookie in the world, and I’ll eat dirt.”

A small smile tugged at my lips. I reached out and grabbed her hand for a light squeeze. “Will there be earthworms in the dirt?”

“Yes. The slimiest ones we can find.”

“That’ll do.”

We walked the rest of the way back to the house in silence. I was so incredibly grateful to Ana for seeking me out and whipping me into shape in the way only she could. We rode up the elevator together, and at the landing I turned to give her a hug.

“Thank you, friend. I needed that.”

“The Great Island Therapist accepts your gratitude.” She patted my back lightly.

“I’m going to go to my room and wash up a bit before I go talk to him,” I said as I released her. She gave me a look and I chuckled. “I promise I will not go to bed tonight without talking to him.”

“Good.”

She disappeared down the stairs, and I turned to my room. I was sure my makeup was a disaster, and my clothing had sand on it. I wanted to freshen up and take a few minutes to try to tamp down on the nerves racing around all my limbs. I could do this. I wanted to do this.

Okay, what I wanted to do was run away. It would be easiest. I could check into that little Sand Dollar Motel and hole up until I could arrange a flight. I could call the others and say my goodbyes and head on home ahead of schedule. Then, I could spend ten days licking my wounds before diving back into my old life.

However, the thought of always wondering what could have happened if I’d been brave, well, I wasn’t sure I could live with myself. No, I needed to take the bull by the horns and try to make peace with the man I loved. Even if he couldn’t love me back, I couldn’t leave things like this between us.

I entered the bathroom across from my room and washed my face clear of all the makeup before returning to my room and quickly changing into something clean.

I had just finished dressing when an insistent knock sounded on my door. Lucas was here. My heart crawled up and my stomach dropped.

“Grace?” he called.

I walked to the door as my heart picked up a bit, and opened it. His normally perfectly groomed look was gone. His hair was mussed, and he did not look like himself. I related to the feeling.

“Can I come in?”

I bit my lip and looked up at him. “I was on my way to see you, actually, but now I’m scared.”

“Why?” he whispered.

“You know why.”

“In or out?” He used our getting to know you game, knowing it would prick my heart.

I opened the door wider and gestured for him to enter. “In.”

“Thank you.”

He entered and turned to face me as I closed the door behind me and then leaned against it. We said nothing for several long moments, simply taking each other in. Just having him in the room with me made the soles of my feet tingle. I could feel the air heat with something inviting, and I knew it was the way I felt for him, oozing out of my pores. How on earth was I supposed to live without this man?

“Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?” He reached out a large hand to touch my cheek with his fingertips. “I was scared that you’d decide to pack up overnight and go back to Providence early.”

“I was lucky enough to have another therapy session with Ana. She talked some sense into me.”

He choked out a laugh that sounded more miserable than amused. “I’ll be sure to thank her.” He pushed away from the door and took a step closer. I could feel the worry and the heat off him. I could also, somehow, feel the apprehension and stress. I could see it in the lines around his eyes, in the way the corners of his mouth were turned down.

He opened his mouth once and clamped it shut before starting again. “I had so many things planned to say. It was going to be a really impressive speech,” he said. A corner of my mouth lifted, and I could feel my expression soften. “But the only thing I keep thinking, standing here looking at you, is ‘don’t go’. It’s on a constant loop.”

---