Page 99 of A Class of Her Own

He walked over to a chair with me still clinging to him and sat down. I was on his lap facing him and leaned back to look into his eyes. They had shadows that I’d put there. I’d hurt this man, and I felt sick about it. He’d been nothing but patient with me and happy and understanding, and I’d somehow forgotten to take his feelings into account. I’d deserved him storming off; in fact, I possibly deserved worse, but I was so grateful he’d come back into the room, back to me even when I’d been ugly.

I sighed. “The honest truth is that even though the years of deprivation and neglect are a decade behind me, the mental effects are still there. Thanks to people who’ve come into my life over the past couple of years, I’m improving, but I still have a ways to go. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never want to hurt you.”

His hands skimmed up my back. “New rule. We need a safe word. When I’ve done something that triggers or overwhelms you, you say the word, and I’ll give you a minute to process it before we discuss. That way I’ll know not to put on pressure, and you’ll know not to start accusing me of things. It’ll be like a pause button. Then, we’ll chat like adults until the issue is resolved.”

I bit my lips. “I like that a lot. It goes both ways, though. You should use the safe word when I’ve done something to upset you.” He nodded. “I have the perfect safe word in mind.”

“What’s that?”

“Hunky Monkey.”

Those shadows faded from his eyes and were replaced by something magical. “You need to open your last gift.”

I stood with his help and snagged the last box off the table. I opened it to find a house key inside. I looked up to see him grinning.

“That’s a key to my house. No, I’m not inviting you to move in. But I am informing you that my fridge is always full, and I have better television options than you do. So, I guess what I’m saying is that my door is always open.”

I blinked, fighting back tears, and nodded repeatedly. “Can Betty come, too?”

He motioned for me to join him back on the chair, and I did, sitting sideways so that my legs dangled over the arm.

“Meredith, I love you, but your alleged cat is not invited.”

I put my head on his shoulder and hugged the key to my chest. “You love me, really, or you love me like one loves hamburgers?”

“It’s probably too early to admit, but I love you more than I love hamburgers.”

I nodded. “Good. Because I really, really love you back.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

The next day I felt a little sheepish when I thought about the argument I’d started with Brooks over birthday gifts. I’d put the skunk figurine on my bathroom vanity and looking at it had me squirming a little. We’d made peace and gone on to have probably my best birthday ever, but I still felt slightly nauseated over my behavior and reaction.

A prickle of fear tried to weave its way into my thoughts, telling me that he’d grow tired of that and I needed to change myself if I wanted him to stick around. My shoulders sagged at the thought I’d had so many times with so many people. I’d rarely felt worthy of commitment and love, and after some therapy sessions I did understand how that tied back to feeling ignored by my parent. I’d grown enough to find worth in myself, but my relationship with Brooks was quickly becoming necessary to my happiness in a way that was making me realize how much I had to lose.

I was still a little mopey throughout the morning, and by lunch time I was pretty much sulking as my friends and I gathered around a table in the faculty room. They all launched into their usual chatter while I used chopsticks to sculpt something out of my leftover birthday dinner. It was a chicken, shrimp, and rice masterpiece.

“Okay, we’ve been patient. How did last night go?” Aryn asked, interrupting my morose thoughts

“Brooks is perfect, and I’m a horrid monster,” I replied.

A hand lightly landed on my shoulder. “Do you really believe that, or are you exaggerating because you’re feeling upset about something?” Hailey asked.

I looked up. “I know I’m not a horrid monster. But Brooks is perfect, and I was a super big jerk last night.”

“First of all, no one is perfect,” Hailey soothed.

I shook my head. “He is.”

“Honestly?” Aryn’s tone was dripping with suspicion, which made my lips tug up.

“Well, he can be a little pushy sometimes. And I’m not sure he’s ever ironed a shirt in his life. His hair is kind of messy a lot. He did get angry and walk away from me last night.” I relaxed a little as I spoke and they all nodded.

“Spill it,” Ruby said. “Then we’ll tell you how to fix it.”

I shrugged. “It’s already been fixed. We talked it out, and things are fine.”

Aryn gestured at my slumped body and pouty expression. “Obviously.”

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