Page 16 of Class Clown

I shot Kristy and Gina a look that said,brothers, am I right?, before turning back to Cole. “Anyhow, back to food. I’m talking about keeping your staff happy. You want good workers; you’ve got to fill their bellies. Tonight, expect an uprising.” I held up the big, thick pickle slice and watched as it snagged. “This pickle doesn’t even have snap.” To prove my point, I wiggled it up and down aggressively.

Nico’s head suddenly twitched and he closed one eye. He didn’t make a peep, but he set down the bag of chips he’d been working on and reached for a napkin. Sadly, he didn’t find one. Happily, Kristy and Gina both knew where napkins were kept and they all but tripped over themselves to go get him one.

“What willing helpers,” I chirped as I watched them hustle across the room. “They’re so caring and dedicated. You don’t see that a lot these days.”

“You got pickle juice in Nico’s eye,” Cole stated.

I looked around Cole to see Nico turned away, wiping at his eye with the collar of his shirt.

“Shoot. I’ll bet that stings. Pickling involves vinegar, and vinegar should never be put in your eye,” I said.

Cole scoffed. “Something Nico already knew but now has to experience first-hand.”

“It’s disappointing when someone gets a drive-by pickling,” I replied. Cole shook his head, but I was busy watching Nico who was blinking rapidly. I held up my bottle of water. “I am professionally trained in flushing eyes. Can I help?” I asked.

A clatter, and then a thump, caused our entire table to shift, announcing the return of Kristy and Gina. Between them they were holding approximately forty-three napkins. It was entertaining as heck, and I was going to get to watch this go down for weeks as I slowly worked to set one of them up as a potential love match for Nico. I could wait to see who pulled ahead in the race, and if Nico could warm up with a little flirting from some cute young women.

“No,” Nico said in his low,quiet voice.

I watched as Kristy and Gina sagged back into their seats. Poor little bunnies didn’t realize he was talking to me. I couldn’t let them feel shot down on day one, so I hurried to explain.

“Fine, you can say no to my eye-flush, but these two kind ladies brought you some napkins. Should I moisten one for your use?” I asked.

Kristy and Gina re-inflated, waving napkins in Nico’s direction. If napkins could beg to be used, these ones would win the prize.

Cole sighed. “Rubes, never offer to moisten anything, ever again.”

“What do you mean?” I made my eyes big and innocent, and he pulled a face. “Moist is good. Moist towelette, moist chicken, moist cookies . . .”

“Moist cookies?” he questioned. Before I could answer he held up a hand. “Nope, not engaging on that. The only thing Nico needs is an apology for flinging floppy pickles in his direction, he can handle his own medical care from here.”

“Oh,” I said brightly, leaning around Cole. “Were you trained in medicine while you were a Marine?” I asked.

At the word ‘marine’ Kristy and Gina’s shy interest became a blazing ball of ferocious womanhood. I’d brought them that joy, and I was proud of it. I was sure they were picturing him in uniform and I could admit it was a pretty picture. Scientifically and biologically speaking, of course.

“You’re a Marine?” Kristy asked.

“How brave,” Gina added.

“Nico recently retired from the Marines,” Cole stated.

He caught my eye and mouthed ‘knock it off’ to which I gave him my super best angelic look and mouthed back ‘what?’. He kicked my foot under the table. My innocent act fled and I smirked, kicking back. He sighed.

Nico, who did not seem to mind being talked about like he wasn’t there, took one final dab at his eye and then noticed the huge stack of napkins spread around him like a fan. His frown was slight, but when he glanced up for the first time, I could see that his eye was red. As a nurse I took seriously the idea of not hurting anyone, so I felt bad about actually inflicting any pain on the guy.

“Sorry, Nico. Guess the juice got away from me,” I said, with sincere apology. “You okay?”

He nodded and reached for his sandwich.

“You’re so courageous,” Kristy managed.

At that Nico looked up at her like she was speaking a foreign language. I squeezed my lips together and looked to the side away from everyone to keep from busting out a laugh.

“I probably would have cried,” Gina added, trying to salvage whatever was happening here.

My shoulders tried to shake with mirth and I held them down.

“Over pickle juice in your eye?” Nico asked in a skeptical tone.

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