Page 23 of Class Clown

Lizzie: Did you Hulk smash him?

Me: It was threatened, yes.

Hailey: Who is Nico? Do we know him?

Me: Cole’s best friend since freshman year of high school.

Me: Oh, and my new roommate for the summer.

Aryn: Roommate??!!! Please tell me he’s cute!

Me: Objectively, yes.

Meredith: Objectively?

Me: Scientifically, and without bias, yes, he would be considered attractive.

Lizzie: How attractive?

Me: A solid nine. Everyone here is all ‘will you take this rose’ over him. I love it.

Lizzie: Another thing I would die to watch.

Me: It’s hilarious. He’s military through and through. Raised in the military with his dad, joined out of high school. Does not understand the giggling around him.

Aryn: So what did he do when he walked in on you Hulking your tee?

Me: He quickly turned away and called me ma’am.

Meredith: Why is that floating my boat?

Hailey: It sort of floats for me, too.

Lizzie: I’m going to have Jackson try it out on me.

Aryn: You’ve been there for two nights and you’ve already woken up in ice, torn your t-shirt, flashed some deer, and started your own reality TV show with this hot ex-military roommate of yours. Quick work, girl!

Me: I’ve decided to play matchmaker behind the scenes and make sure he leaves here with a girlfriend.

Lizzie: I miss you so much, Rubes.

Me: I wish you guys were here with me. We’d have so much fun.

Aryn: Send us pictures when you can and keep us posted.

Meredith: Tell us who Nico gives a rose to.

Lizzie: And sneak a picture of him, I need to see your definition of objectively handsome.

Me: Ha ha ha. Deal.

Lizzie: Love you, Rubes.

Me: Love you all.

I snapped a picture of the window and sent it to them, telling them that somewhere in that forest was a family of deer arriving at their first counseling session. They all sent back laughing emojis and I stood, tucking my phone in my pocket, with a smilingface of my own.

Today was camp arrival day, and I had a saggy bottom. As predicted. Cole’s clothes were too big, which meant the shorts were comfy, sure, but they were the aesthetic equivalent of wearing a garbage bag around my waist. The t-shirt hung lose to the top of my thighs, which was actually better than looking like I’d painted it on. I tried tucking it in, but then I ended up looking like I was storing plastic grocery bags around my middle.

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