Page 10 of The Risks of Reuniting

He's still so nice too

Allie

Jerk

I'm not over him, but he hurt me so badly

Allie

I know, sweetie. I'm so sorry this is happening.

What do I do?

Allie

You trust yourself to figure it out.

Or – just a thought – I ignore it.

Allie

That's the fear talking.

Fear makes some good points.

Allie

Tell fear she's off the clock this go-round. She will only make things worse.

Love you.

Allie

Love you too, bestie. Text me any time for moral support. I'm also willing to send bad ju-ju across the universe if needed.

Thanks!

I tuck my phone away and lean my head back against the seat rest. From what I can tell, we've maybe moved a mile. Holt is still humming, and now it's some song from the BeeGees. I tune him out and force my facial muscles to relax, followed by my neck, and then shoulders, until I've worked my way down to my toes. When my eyelids grow heavy, I let them close, welcoming the reprieve. I slept very little last night thanks to nerves, and my body is exhausted from every single inch of this day.

A warm hand against my shoulder pulls me from a deep sleep and I slowly open my eyes to see Holt looking into mine. His hand cupping my shoulder is warm and gentle as he lightly squeezes. His lips are tiltedup in a smile, and before I can gather my thoughts, I'm returning the look out of memory. His eyes warm further at the sight of my soft smile.

"Hey sleepyhead. We're here," he says in a whisper.

I blink and sit up straight, slightly shifting until his hand drops away. "Oh," I manage, as I look around. "Okay."

Holt slides out of the van and I gather my bag from the seat next to me. It takes me a minute to get my bearings, but the van door is open and people are gathered around in welcome. Holt offers me a hand as I go to step down, but I ignore it and hop out to join the circle. There's a sprinkling of English, but mostly all I can hear is Spanish coming at me from all sides. It's dark, and I can make out little more than a handful of small buildings and a dirt-packed yard. I can tell we're on a hillside, and there aren't many lights coming from outside this walled area. Dogs are barking in the distance. It's overwhelming and I shrug into my backpack while I do my best to come fully awake.

From my research and interview, I know the humanitarian center isn't a big place. With Carlos and his wife Lara running it, they keep it small to be manageable and effective. They have a three-pronged approach – health, housing, and humane issues. Three volunteer dental workers and two volunteer medical workers make up the health prong. Four men handle housing – two local and two volunteers. There are three volunteer social workers who go to the dwellings to assess the needs and let them know what services the Center offers. They also handle some counseling issues as needed. With the addition of two-person local cook staff and one local maintenance worker, the small compound is filled.

I'm excited to be a part of it, even if I'm still reeling a little.

Rachelle looks to me and points off to the side. "I think they're saying that you and I are over there," she says. "That's where the dental clinic is and we have a room off the back."

I nod. "All right."

Holt, standing next to me, nods. "She's right. The dentist will be there in the morning, eight o'clock, to get started. He's an American too, so that will make understanding his instructions easier," he says with a grin. Rachelle is not immune to him, and I watch with an ache in my chest as she smiles warmly at him. "Cesar and I bunk on the other side of the compound. Breakfast is at seven-thirty, in this middle building."

A large local man with tanned skin and a huge smile steps up and starts shaking hands. Cesar, Holt, and the man join in a laughter-filled conversation that I can't understand a word of, and I find myself shrinking further into my backpack, as though it can protect me from this strange new experience. I don't feel like myself right now. I'm always in control, rarely doubt myself, and function with confidence. In this moment, though, I feel incapable to even handle basic communication. I've stretched myself too far today, experienced too many new things and big surprises.

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