Page 26 of The Risks of Reuniting

I walk away again and he hustles to intercept me, coming to stand facing me, standing in my way but not touching me.

"We've been apart for nearly a year now, and you have no regrets about any of it? You want to go on as we have been?" he asks, my own pain reflected in his tone.

My throat closes up at the achiness of it all. Of course I have regrets, but I sit on them to keep them locked inside. His face is still as familiar as my own, but it's also the source of so much hurt and sorrow. I still feel incredibly betrayed. And why are we having this argument in a courtyard in Peru while my face is covered in white cream? Why?

I point at him with slitted eyes, feeling tears sting and knowing I can't let him see them. "Let me go, please. I can't do this."

I shove past him and nearly jog to my room as the tears begin their slow roll down my heated face. Thankfully, he doesn't follow me.

Cesar is gone when I burst into our room. Rachelle is wiping down our dresser top and her face folds into concern when she sees my expression.

"What happened?" she asks.

I swallow hard, willing myself not to cry, but my voice is thick when I reply. "Holt, he, uh . . . said some stuff."

She squeezes my shoulder gently. "Want to talk about it?"

I shake my head. "It's an old fight from a long time ago. But I accidentally left the clean sheets and towel in the laundry room."

She directs me to her bed and gently pushes me to sit. "I'll go grab the things. You just take some deep breaths."

I nod and scoot back on her bed until my back is propped against the wall. Stupid Holt and his stupid words. How do I face him after this?

Rachelle is back within a few minutes, holding a pile of sheets, a towel, and a blanket. I don't ask where the blanket came from, because I have no doubt Holt was involved somehow. Even though I spewed venom at him, he still made sure I'd be comfortable. It ticks me off. How dare he meet my rudeness with kindness?

"So, this might be terrible timing, but Cesar was telling me about a bus tour through Lima that takes you around the city and then does a walking tour of the Plaza Mayor and the San Agustín catacombs. He said he and Holt were thinking they'd get a group together this weekend." She pauses to gauge my reaction, but I'm still staring at the floor. "Um, do you want me to tell him to save it for another time?"

I stand and shake my head, pasting on a smile as though I've already gotten over the fight. I take the sheets from her and start making my bed.

"No, we can do that," I say with false cheer. "But Dr. J did warn us about making weekend plans, and last Saturday was madness. Are you sure we can pull it off?"

She gets a glimmer in her eye and smiles in a secretive way that almost dissolves the heaviness in my chest. "You leave him to me. You're only in Peru once, right?"

I take a deep breath and force my logical thoughts into place. She's right about that, and I can't let old wounds keep me from missing out. I have no desire to tour Lima with Holt, but Cesar is the cutest and Rachelle is a beam of sunshine, and I can distract myself with them.

"Do you know how much it costs?" I ask.

"I don't even care what it costs. There's this thing called opportunity cost, where sometimes an opportunity only comes up once, and you'd better take it no matter the cost. We'll be there," she responds in a cheery tone.

"Yeah. When in Peru . . .," I reply.

"Viva, Peru," Rachelle throws a fist in the air, and I giggle.

Thank goodness for Rachelle.

Chapter 10

Chloe

Icouldn'teatatall the next day. I was tied in knots from the dustup with Holt, and from the rat situation, and from dreading the upcoming bus tour of downtown Lima, even though I really want to go on the bus tour. Thursday morning has me feeling mopey, and sort of delirious from starvation. I go through the motions of getting ready, putting on the navy blue scrubs that match my mood, but I don't bother with makeup, and when I follow Rachelle to breakfast I don't contribute to the chatter as we walk along. She doesn't seem to mind. Rachelle is happy to talk to herself if she needs to. I imagine that back in Georgia she's like honey and the community members are flies. She's so darn sweet.

My eyes immediately search for Holt when we walk through the door. It came to me in my sleepless state last night that I have to make peace with him. I'd struggled to remember the horoscope Poppy had shared with me when I was leaving Salt Lake. Hadn't she said something about this being a new opportunity for me – a time of change and self-discovery? And my cousin Lucy has talked to me a few times about how the books she reads so often have miscommunication moments that ruin everything. She's always encouraging me to talk about things, and not make assumptions. Her beloved book characters stand as a warning to me that I'm going to have to be brave. I've decided that self-discovery requires me facing up to the fact that I'm still harboring too muchpost-breakup angst. Even worse – I blame Holt for everything. Apparently. I maybe didn't realize that until I blew up at him in the laundry room.

I cringe at the very thought of all those emotions spewing out at him. Emotions I should have resolved months ago.

I'm tired of being angry. I wantmeback.

Holt is sitting at a table with Cesar, but his eyes lift to mine as soon as we come fully into the room. He has a ballcap on today, and it shades some of his expression, but I gesture with my head and point to a door. Thankfully, rather than ignoring me, he says something to Cesar and abandons his plate. I would have deserved the snub, and am grateful that Holt hasn't changed into the same sort of crusty person I've become.

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