Page 19 of The Yips

Kelsey: OK.

I spent the rest of the day hoping Kelsey would have more baseball questions, but I didn’t hear from her again until I checked my phone after the night game. She and Crew had landed safely in Minneapolis, and her hotel check-in went well.

Kelsey: I didn’t need to fly first class. Coach is more than okay.

Me: I was not going to put you in a coach for your first solo flight with an infant. How was the flight? Was he okay?

Kelsey: He got a little fussy when we took off but settled and slept a lot.

Me: How is your suite?

Kelsey: That’s also over the top. It’s nicer than my apartment.

Was I so out of touch that what I wouldn’t consider a basic hotel suite was luxurious to her? I grew up surrounded by wealth and privilege, but I always thought I was level-headed. It angered me that Kelsey struggled so hard just for basic survival. She had no one watching out for her and resisted taking anything from anyone. I fought every urge to jump in and take over for her. She brought out this incredible need in me to protect her, and I was starting to understand that there may be more to it than a normal impulse.

I felt more than a little guilty for the dream I had of fisting her red hair as she sucked my cock; her golden eyes haunted me day and night. In some ways, she was the vision of purity. This angel of a mother, and I was demented enough to want to sully her. I imagined her fair skin flushed with desire and hoped that it was true that redheads had red hair all over. Before I went too far down that road, I reminded myself that I didn’t do relationships and that the last thing Kelsey and Crew needed was a guy like me bursting into their lives casually and then leaving.

CHAPTER 17

Kelsey

Crew and I had explored a small portion of the Mall of America. The indoor roller coaster was absolute insanity, and I wished Kylie could have come with me. I found a restaurant advertised as the “Home of the Juicy Lucy” and decided I needed to try the Minnesota specialty. When my cheese-filled burger arrived, the waitress warned me not to bite into it right away; the cheese would be molten hot, and it would be best to give it a minute to cool. My weakness was burgers and fries.

I devoured the burger as Crew batted clumsily at the toys hanging from his stroller. As nervous as I had been, I was proud of myself for getting on the plane and making it here alone. The last three months had been baby steps, but the more I accomplished solo, the more confident I felt.

Avery had been on the flight, and we’d connected before and after we landed, but I hadn’t needed help. The first-class ticket had been a pleasant surprise; the early boarding had helped get Crew situated and acclimated to the chaos of the airplane. When I had smugly texted Kylie a picture of my spacious seat, she had responded by reminding me that Samwas next-level rich and that the extra cost for the ticket hurt his bank account as much as buying a pack of gum would affect mine. I disagreed; I had no room in my budget for a pack of gum.

Kylie: If I were you, I’d do my best to climb that man.

Me: Ah, yes. Because a twenty-one-year-old single mother is exactly what every man wants.

Kylie: It doesn’t have to be forever.

Me: Are you forgetting the last time I attempted a no-strings casual thing?

Kylie: Well, now you have an IUD. If you get pregnant on one of those, I’m donating you to science.

Me: Gee, thanks.

Kylie: I want you to have fun, too, Kels. Everything about your life is hard right now. If you get the chance with him and if you want to sleep with him, there is nothing wrong with letting go for an hour or two.

Last night, I made the mistake of watching clips of Sam pitching on YouTube. I had seen how fit he was with my own eyes in person and watched him pitch an entire game last weekend, but once I discovered the reams of content on YouTube, I was sunk. He moved like a machine. His body? Perfection.

Kylie’s encouragement to sleep with him did nothing to erase the images I had of experiencing, just exactly what that body could do for mine. After I returned to the hotel and Crew had nursed and settled in to sleep, I showered towash off the grime from traveling. I stood naked in front of the mirror and inspected the changes that pregnancy had brought to my body. While most of the pregnancy weight had come off, my breasts were fuller, and my nipples were darker and larger from breastfeeding. Would a man want to handle breasts that could leak or spray milk at any moment?

My hips were rounder than before, and a few stretch marks crawled across my lower belly. I had always been confident about my body, and overall, I liked the changes I saw. But would someone like Sam? He could have any woman he wanted. While my heartbreak over losing Logan had led me to Tom from California’s bed, I had never worried about whether a man would appreciate my body. The first month after Crew was born, the only thing I craved was more sleep. My vibrator had lain dormant in my nightstand drawer since before I gave birth. The pregnancy hormones had left me in a constant state of arousal, and I burnt out two high-end personal massagers.

I cupped one of my breasts and rubbed my thumb across my nipple, imagining Sam’s large hands on me. My right hand snaked down between my legs as I found my clit with my index finger, circling the sensitive bud. I moved to the living room in the suite, afraid that I might wake Crew, and settled on the couch. I close my eyes, spreading my legs wide, imagining Sam’s mouth replacing my hand as he licked and sucked. I pressed my heels into the couch and arched my hips plunging two fingers inside my pussy, continuing to work my clit with my other hand. My legs shook as the pressure built, and I ground myself into my hands, the orgasm erupting out of me.

I lay there breathing heavily, trying to catch my breath, and then startled when I heard the knock on the suite door.

“Who is it?” I called out.

“It’s me, Sam.”

Shit. I jumped up off the couch, stumbling into the bedroom and searching for a t-shirt and bottoms to cover myself up so I could open the door.

“One second!” I shouted at the door, mentally kicking myself for yelling so loud and hoping I didn’t wake Crew up.

---