Page 21 of The Yips

“Would you like a glass of water?”

“No, thank you. It’s late; I don’t want to keep you up. Would you like to meet for breakfast?”

“Yeah,” she said, watching me walk towards the door. I couldn’t explain it, but my body rebelled against leaving. Every fiber of my being wanted me to stay here with this woman. It wasn’t just sex, but a need to shield her from the rest of the world and give her anything and everything she wanted. I hated that she had to struggle to finish college. My education and baseball training had all been handed to me, and she worked twice as hard as I did and still couldn’t even finish her nursing degree. Everything I had was because I was good at throwing a stupid ball, and my parents had the means to provide it for me. If she became a nurse, she’d be saving lives.

“I’m not sure if you hear this often or not. But you are amazing.”

When I watched tears well up in her eyes, I worried that I’d overstepped, and I hated myself for causing her to cry. She averted her eyes, focused on the glass of water in her hands, and took a long, ragged breath, “I just do what any mother would do.”

CHAPTER 19

Kelsey

Spending time with Sam tonight was more than a little bit unnerving. It had been nice to pretend that I lived a fun, carefree life when I started the day in first class on a flight halfway across the country. The suite Sam had booked for me was double the size of my apartment, and it reminded me that maybe I was doing Crew a disservice by being stubborn and living on my own. Would he grow up knowing that we had less than everyone else? Would I ever be able to finish my nursing degree?

When Sam complimented me, I wanted to be the person he thought I was. But it was so incredibly lonely. Yes, my boy was my world. No, I had no regrets about having him. I regretted that I could never provide him with a life free from worry. I shopped thrift stores for his clothes; I didn’t know how I would be able to pay for his next-level car seat when he outgrew his infant seat. I might never be able to put him in a sports program, pay for summer camp, or buy him the sneakers the rest of the kids had. Was I going to be enough for him? I couldn’t see a future where he wasn’t suffering for my lack, and I felt the power of the resentment of a future fourteen-year-old boy.

I never felt more exhausted than I did at that moment. I was not exactly helpless because I would fight for our futures, but I didn’t see a way out or a way forward, not yet. I did a quick check on Crew before I collapsed into bed. My exhaustion quickly overrode my anxiety, and I fell fast asleep.

Sam met us for breakfast in the hotel restaurant, and Crew kept himself busy in his stroller. We ordered our meals and made small talk while waiting for our food. When I needed to take a bathroom break, I started to take Crew with me.

“Leave him with me,” Sam said. “I can handle him for five minutes; I can’t see his stroller fitting in the bathroom stall.”

“Are you sure?” I asked hesitantly. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Sam specifically. I didn’t trust anyone with him.

I used the bathroom quickly and returned to the main restaurant. As I approached the table, I realized that Sam had taken Crew out of his stroller, held him with his butt on the table, and was talking to him intently, eliciting all sorts of smiles and coos. I felt my stomach flip, and my heart squeezed painfully at the image of this giant, sexy man enthralled by this tiny baby.

“Hey,” I approached the table slowly. “Did he give you trouble?”

“He was starting to get a little fussy, and I figured I’d take him out and not wait for him to yell. Huh buddy, did you get mad when your Mommy left?” Crew answered by leaning forward and latching onto Sam’s nose, sucking hard enough to leave a mark. Sam laughed it off and passed him over to me. “I think he’s hungry again.”

“He’s always hungry lately,” I said, reaching for a smallblanket so I could nurse him. “I think he’s going through a growth spurt.”

“Do you think he could be teething? He kept trying to chew on his fist.”

“Oh, I doubt it. He’ll be four months in a couple of weeks; that would be early. But I guess it’s possible.”

“Did you get your ticket electronically? Monica was supposed to send those to you today.”

“Yeah, I’ve already added it to my wallet.”

“Avery will be sitting with you.”

“Oh, good. I like her.” I immediately felt relieved to have a friendly face nearby.

“I think she’s the only family member who traveled for this series. You never know who will show up, but Avery tries to come to as many games as possible.”

“Does she trust him?” I’d read that major league baseball players had a high incidence of cheating. I would hate for her to have to deal with that.

“Yeah, she’s got nothing to worry about. Carlos is as true as you can get. Not everyone is, though. You might see things on the road, there’s a lot of temptation, and bad decisions are made.”

“So, I may see a player cheating on his wife? They don’t hide it?” My eyes widened, and I immediately felt sympathy for the women who couldn’t trust their husbands.

“Yeah,” Sam sighed. “Avery got herself in trouble by telling Chloe Cole that Jeremy was fucking a different woman in every city. It turns out that Chloe knew, and Jeremy had a pass. If Chloe had unfettered access to the American Express, she didn’t care.”

“She shot the messenger,” I observed.

“She certainly did.”

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